How To Save Your Marriage

November 8, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Do you wonder “How to save your marriage?” Here’s some tips on how to save your marriage.

First, you need to identify the trouble in your relationship.  Some common troubles include:

  • Money concerns
  • Child rearing difficulties
  • Lack of sex
  • Lack of communication
  • Loss of identity

And, of course, there are many others.  You may discover that there is one main problem or you may identify several smaller problems that are eating away at your marriage.

When you identify the problem or problems that are at the root of your marriage troubles, you will be able to move on to the next step which is close, personal interaction.

In this step, you will need to be open to extensive conversation.  If you have not had a lot of open communication during your marriage, you may want to consider counseling in order to facilitate the personal interaction that is key to this step.

If you really want to save your marriage, you will set aside time to work on your marriage issues every single day.  You could set aside some time like after the children go to bed or you could decide to take a walk after dinner every day for just the two of you.  But, you should plan to get back in touch with each other.  A daily habit of quality time with your spouse is very important.

Take some “romantic time” each week.  For some couples, this means reinstating a “date night” every week.  On Tuesdays, for instance, you get a sitter and go out for a picnic or walk around the mall.  As you can see, this doesn’t have to involve wine and roses every week, but a romantic time that you can look forward to all week is essential.

As you spend time together being romantic and discussing your problems, you must have an open mind toward what your partner is telling you.  You need to understand that a lot of the problems in your marriage are caused by – get this – you!  Until you really listen to your partner, you are not going to be able to effect the kind of personal change necessary to save your marriage.

You need to have faith in your partner.  You need to give him or her the benefit of the doubt.  You need to believe that the marriage still can and will work.  You also need to believe that your partner is still essentially the same person he or she was when you married them.  If you cannot have faith in your partner and in your marriage, you might as well give up now.

Finally, you have to be open to forgiveness.  If your partner has made mistakes – even major ones – you must be able to forgive.  If you insist that there are things that cannot be forgiven, there is no hope for your marriage.

Everyone makes mistakes.  Some people make big mistakes.  If that person makes a genuine apology – which includes acts of contrition and an effort to change – they deserve forgiveness.

I hope this gave you answers to that perplexing question, “how to save your marriage.”

Posted by Wan | Filed Under Save Marriage Tips 

Relationships 101 – How To Save Your Relationship

August 24, 2009 | Leave a Comment

You might think it’s too bad you can’t take a class called relationships 101 in college. They offer math, physics, literature and tons of classes, but a class on relationships is something that could help everyone. Fortunately, you have the skills already to save your relationship and make it better without needed a relationships 101 course.

Most relationships, no matter what happens, can be saved. There are a few relationships that shouldn’t be saved, like those that are abusive or really miserable. But most others have the potential to be fixed. That should be lesson number in any relationships 101 class.

The problem is, people give up too soon. They’re angry, hurt, upset and it just seems easiest to get out of the situation that made them that way. It’s all too easy to focus only on what’s happening now, and not the past.

If the relationship was good at one point, and most were or no one would have stayed in it very long, then it really can be that way again. But people have to look past the anger and the problems that are happening now, and remember those good times. That’s the only way they’ll even want to try to use relationships 101 theory to save the couple.

To cause further problems, often one person is ready to work hard at saving the relationship. But the other person won’t look past the bad to remember the good. That person is ready to chuck it all away. And can only person save a relationship?

Sometimes one person can do it, but it’s not easy. It’s hard to stay positive and hopeful when your boyfriend of girlfriend doesn’t act or feel the same. It can start to feel like you’re fighting a losing battle.

Relationships 101 lesson #2: Keep fighting the battle, because even if the relationship doesn’t heal, it will make you a better person. That’s because the things you’ll do to try to save the relationship are simply good for you, and good for the other person, too.

It’s very important to remember the way you behaved with the relationship was new and going strong. Compare that to how you behave with that person now. And turn things around by acting the way you used to, and doing the things you used to.

Strive to be polite again just as you were in the beginning. Be thoughtful and be a good friend to the person whenever you can, even if you’re not going to get anything out of it. Don’t beg them to come back, tell them they need to come back, or threaten what will happen if they don’t come back.

When faced with someone acting like that, would you want to be with that person again?  Tell yourself that you’ll survive no matter what happens, but do your very best to show them the person they want to be with again. Best the best “you” no matter what is the best relationships 101 lesson there is.

Posted by Wan | Filed Under Relationship Tips