Save A Marriage – Communication Is The Key

May 21, 2011 | Leave a Comment

Every marriage is important so each one deserves a full effort from both parties.  But sometimes a couple will experience trouble and it seems that there is no way to solve the problem without divorce.  If this is happening to you there are ways to save a marriage, but it will take effort on the part of both people.

The important thing to remember here is communication. Often, as couples settle into their marriage, they start to become complacent.  They feel as if there is no further need to put any effort into their relationship.  Both people fall into a routine and life just happens without giving any special attention to it.  This is the main problem with marriage today.

If there has not been a consistent effort from both parties then now is not the time to focus on that: this is more of a survival period.  This is the time that you both need to sit down together and talk.  No arguing, and no finger pointing: just talk.

This is the time to be brutally honest.  Write down everything that you love about the other person.  Make the list as long as you can.  Now, look over the list.  When was the last time that you told the other person how much you love these traits about them?  People love to feel wanted and this would be a good time to start letting the other person know that they are, in fact, wanted.

Ask the other person if there are things you can do to make the marriage better for them. Couples always go out of their way for each other until they marry.  Then, they settle in for the long haul and things start to slip.  Recognizing an area that needs improvement shows that you are genuinely interested in working on it.  Showing effort and concern shows the other person that you do to want to give up and they shouldn’t either.

If communication has broken down too far then do not be afraid to bring in outside help.  Counselors are trained to listen and will not take sides.  And sometimes seeing things from an outside perspective brings clarity to the problem.

Many people want to save a marriage, but they might just feel so frustrated that they think it is too late.  There is always time to start the healing process.  Communication, patience, understanding and love are all important parts that must work together in order to be successful.

Is My Marriage In Trouble?

May 6, 2010 | Leave a Comment

If you are asking yourself the question is my marriage in trouble then it could appear that the answer is yes but this doesn’t mean that it is. It might not be in grave danger of heading to the divorce courts but you are obviously not happy in the relationship if you are thinking this way. This maybe because there are issues between yourself and your partner or it may just be your perception of how things are. You could be feeling unfulfilled and lonely.

Whatever the reason for your feelings you need to get to the bottom of them or your marriage will be affected. It is not possible to have a happy relationship when one or both partners are feeling isolated, unloved or confused. It is not your partner’s responsibility to solve your problems, emotional or otherwise for you, but it does help when they are supportive and understanding.

You may be feeling down because your diet is lacking in certain vitamins and minerals. For example, women of childbearing age need plenty of Vitamin B in their diets as otherwise their hormones can cause them problems. They can suffer from restless sleeping as well as mood swings and depression. Often you don’t get sufficient vitamin B from natural resources so you may need a course of vitamin tablets to get you back on an even keel. Speak to your doctor if you are finding it difficult to sleep, are tired all the time or having difficulty shedding excess weight. You may have an underlying medical condition such as a thyroid problem and so need medical treatment. Men can be affected too.

Your worries may highlight a problem in your relationship. Have you tried talking to your partner about your feelings? It is not the easiest thing to do but once you take the first step you may find that you start to feel better. Communication is not a skill we learn in school or college. It is one of those things that people just assume we learn as we are growing up. Some people are natural communicators but most of us struggle to put our feelings into words particularly when talking to the person who means more to us than anyone else.

In the book The Magic Of Making Up, the writer discusses the problems that communication issues between couples cause. Most marriages end due to bad communication rather than an affair or abuse. And the really sad bit is that a significant number of break ups could have been avoided if one or both partners asked for help.

So don’t sit and wallow in your feelings. Talk to your partner today. Find some quiet time together and tell them how you are feeling and ask them how they feel about things and take it from there. You may find a little bit of good communication and some time together will help to resolve your worries and you will no longer be asking is my marriage in trouble.

Marriage Requirements – Do You Make The Grade

May 2, 2010 | Leave a Comment

It is amazing how many people will search for marriage requirements to see if they can legally get married.   Yes these same people may not give the same time and thought to whether the person they are marrying is the right one for them. It is so easy to get caught up in the romance of the occasion and to forget that while your wedding day is a big event, it is the start of something so much bigger.

Getting married is a commitment and should be treated as such.  More people give longer thought to taking out a joint mortgage than to getting married. This could be due to the fact that divorce is relatively inexpensive, unless you have a complicated estate or are very wealthy, and it is also socially acceptable in most circles.  The fact that celebrities marry and divorce at will certainly doesn’t help.

The sad fact is though that most people do not walk away from a broken marriage without incurring pain and scarring.  It is difficult to see all your dreams of happiness with another person die.  And it is worse when you remember that a significant number of people who divorce, regret it.  They don’t regret getting married, they regret getting divorced!

So what can you do to prevent landing in a similar situation?  The first step is to be realistic in your expectations.  While it is fantastic to have your husband or wife as your best friend, they cannot supply you with everything you need. You have to a happy individual in your own right or you will make both of you miserable.  You need to be independent even though you are part of a couple. You need to show your partner love, respect and loyalty while still giving them and expecting them to give you the freedom to have a life of your own.  Your partner should know that they can go out with their friends and have a good time without getting the third degree on their return. Your relationship will be much more successful if everyone involved has room to develop and breathe.  And if you do have kids be careful to still make your relationship a priority as one day they will grow up and leave home and you don’t want to be left with a stranger for company.

You need to do things as a couple and spend quality time together. Nurture your love and show appreciation for each other.  Surprise your partner with a small romantic gesture every now and then and not just on the obvious occasions like their birthday, Valentines day or your wedding anniversary.

In the Magic of Making Up you will get more ideas on how to prevent your marriage or relationship from joining the depressing list of the divorce statistics.  So stop worrying about marriage requirements and concentrate instead of being sure that you two are made to last the distance.

Effective Tips On How To Save My Marriage

January 28, 2010 | Leave a Comment

Marriage is a union of two people, so finding solutions to your marriage problems together is essential. Here are some tips that can help bring you together and increase the chances of your marriage lasting:

  • No marriage is perfect. Unlike fairy tales, typical marriages have their flaws just like each of us do. Do not expect perfection from each other. Accept that there will be lumps and bumps along the way.
  • Marriage requires work. For your relationship to work, both of you need to realize that it takes work to make a marriage strong. The more work that you put into your marriage can result in an honest and happy relationship. If you do not take this seriously, it can be detrimental. The areas that typically need the most work involve trust and respect in one another . Without these things, your relationship will fall apart.
  • Communicate and listen effectively. Create an environment where you can talk to each other without getting upset. Speak calmly and clearly about how you feel and allow your partner to do the same. Make sure to listen to what they have to say, regardless of what they say. Discuss how each of you feel and find common ground where both of you feel that you can find solutions for issues you are facing. The more open and honest you are with each other, the better.
  • Do not dwell on past problems. Do not let past mistakes or misunderstandings determine the future of your marriage. While your past problems may be quite serious, dwelling on them will not help your marriage. Focus on the here and now and take each day as it comes.
  • Be more giving to one another. Be considerate of each others needs and feelings. You can do caring gestures to simply show that you are thinking of them. If you are unsure as to what you should do for your spouse, ask them what you can do to make them happy. Doing something that will make them feel loved  and special can go a long way towards strengthening your relationship. Sometimes doing the simplest things can mean the most to them.

If you have tried all of the above and still are asking how to save my marriage, a professional marriage counselor may be your best option. The decision to go to a counselor must be made by both of you as it will not work if you both do not participate fully.

If you are both truly committed to making changes to save your marriage, a counselor can offer unbiased advice to help you. By getting advice from counselor, it may help you see your problems in a different light and help you find solutions.

Healing From A Broken Relationship

January 18, 2010 | Leave a Comment

Healing from a broken relationship is a tough thing to do, but the good news is, it can be done. You just need to understand the process and allow yourself the time that you need.

One of the first things to remember is there is no time limit.  It will take you as much time as it takes you, period. There is no set rule on how long it should take you, though you still should be making some forward progress after a few months.  You may be a long way from being back to normal, but you should be starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel.

One word of caution, though:  if you don’t seem to be making any progress at all, you may want to hire a therapist to help you through the worst of it.  Sometimes having an objective third party who can offer unbiased advice is a good way to help us jumpstart our recovery.  It may even help speed the process along a little, and who wouldn’t want that?

Another thing you can do to help speed things along is find yourself.  This may sound like strange advice but in most relationships you will lose a little of yourself.  This seems to be particularly common with women.  It’s easy to become a ‘we’ and lose a little ‘me’.  And a little of that isn’t a bad thing, but once the relationship has ended it’s time to get your ‘me’ back.

This process will help you heal and grow.  It will remind you that there was a time when you were happy without your ex.  This ‘reawakening’ can be a very exciting time and it can help dull at least some of the pain you’re feeling since the breakup.  If nothing else, it will give you something to occupy your mind with.

Spending time with family and friends will help you enormously too.  Surrounding yourself with people who love you will help you stay strong.  When in the midst of a bad breakup it’s easy to forget that you will be happy again.  It can be hard to see past that black hole, but if you’re with your family and friends they will help you feel the love that you are missing from your ex.

While this isn’t the time to wallow, it might not be a bad idea to remind yourself of the things in the relationship that made you unhappy, or mad, or both.  You don’t want to dwell on the relationship too much at this point but reminding yourself of the bad times might help you gain a little clarity and move the healing process along a little bit.

No matter how you choose to go about it, just remember that healing from a broken relationship is possible.  You will get through it and you will find love and happiness again.  If you learn from your past relationship you can take that knowledge with you into your next relationship which will help make that relationship even better.  Just hang in there.

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