Change Yourself, You’ll Save Your Marriage

November 7, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Sound impossible? Do you think that you are not the one “with the problem”? You may be right. Your spouse is the one “with the problem”. She/he needs to change to save your marriage and you don’t have to do anything. Consider this; changing yourself is the only way to save your marriage. Do you really want to save your marriage? If your answer is yes, you need to change yourself. There is no other way to save your marriage. Trick, manipulating or trying to change your partner won’t work. Or you rather want your marriage to deteriorate so that you can blame your spouse for it? The need to be right is one of the 25 relationship killers. You are right that your spouse don’t listen to you. You are right that your spouse always blame or criticize you, and many other things that you are right about your spouse. Whether you want to defend your right to be right and have a broken marriage as a result, or give up the right to be right and save your marriage is up to you. The choice is yours.

Let me share an example from Save My Marriage Today FREE Mini-Course so that you can grasp fully what I wanted to put forward. Mary’s husband always promises to bring home the groceries that she needs but always forgets to do so. For Mary, this is inexcusable. She lashes out at her husband every time he comes home empty-handed. Her response or behavior drives her husband away further and further each time. She blames or criticizes the husband for not bringing home the groceries and she had to go out herself to get it. She is right that her husband always break his promises. She is right that because of her husband failure to keep his promises, they always have late dinner. If Mary keeps blaming or criticizing her husband, sooner or later their marriage will be broken. Mary can change how she response to the “problem”, that is by giving up the right to be right. When she stops blaming or criticizing the husband, he realizes that not having the groceries does indeed inconvenience for Mary. As a result, her husband eventually asks her what they could do so that one of them doesn’t have to get the groceries during the week. He confesses that he doesn’t get the groceries because he is tired after work and hates having to make a detour to the store. As a result, Mary and her husband decide to plan better and spend a bit more time on their weekend shopping trip so that they don’t run out of food mid-week.

What Mary did was not asking or demanding her husband to change himself (keep his words). What she did was to change her respond or behavior with regard to her husband didn’t keep his words. When he is not been blamed (with word or action), his ego was untouched. As a result, he can be his real self.

You can read more on relationship killers from Save My Marriage Today FREE Mini-Course. Visit the website today and signup for FREE Mini-Course. You’ll be astounded with the advices given in the course.

The Turning Point in My Relationship

October 21, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Let me share with you about the turning point in the relationship I’m having with my wife.

I felt the strain in our relationship when our first child, a daughter, was 7 years old. Everyday my wife bombarded me with the problems she was having in raising her up. She was not happy with our daughter behavior and she blamed me for that. She said our daughter behaving that way because I always pampered her. The bombardment, the nagging, continues until she was 19 years old. Then my wife saw something, she saw what causing her to complaint and nags about our daughter day in day out. It was the expectation she had about her, the standard and ideal of a good daughter. She expected her to be a hardworking girl and excel in her studies. But the daughter was playful and did not get good grade. She also saw that she put meaning to what happened; she put the meaning that she was not a good mother. That made her upset and angry.

When she saw that, and the impact it had on our relationship, she gave it up. From that moment she was able to accept our daughter the way she is and the way she is not. Then the nagging stops. OK, not 100%. Sometime she nags but she quickly realized it and stops. Our conversation after that was not about “what’s wrong with your daughter?” but what we, as parents, can do to support her to do well in her study and live a happy life. Amazing thing happened after that, she scores A in her final year college examination.

That was the turning point in my wife relationship with our eldest daughter. My wife saw our daughter differently although she has not change. Wow!!! I felt very happy and relief. I never thought it was possible after more than 12 years of suffering. Anyway, you don’t have to wait for your partner to change to have an awesome, long-lasting and fulfilling relationship with your partner. You can change your view of her/him, accept her/him the way she/he is and she/he is not. You’ll be amazed with the results.

My wife may not see what she saw if not for the education (and God’s guidance) that she got from Landmark Education. You can visit Landmark Education’s website for details (This is not an affiliate link; I don’t get any financial reward for giving you the link).

You also can get insights to save your marriage from Amy Waterman’s book, Save My Marriage Today. You can read my review on Save My Marriage Today HERE. Or you can visit Amy’s website HERE to learn more.