Effective Tips On How To Save My Marriage

January 28, 2010 | Leave a Comment

Marriage is a union of two people, so finding solutions to your marriage problems together is essential. Here are some tips that can help bring you together and increase the chances of your marriage lasting:

  • No marriage is perfect. Unlike fairy tales, typical marriages have their flaws just like each of us do. Do not expect perfection from each other. Accept that there will be lumps and bumps along the way.
  • Marriage requires work. For your relationship to work, both of you need to realize that it takes work to make a marriage strong. The more work that you put into your marriage can result in an honest and happy relationship. If you do not take this seriously, it can be detrimental. The areas that typically need the most work involve trust and respect in one another . Without these things, your relationship will fall apart.
  • Communicate and listen effectively. Create an environment where you can talk to each other without getting upset. Speak calmly and clearly about how you feel and allow your partner to do the same. Make sure to listen to what they have to say, regardless of what they say. Discuss how each of you feel and find common ground where both of you feel that you can find solutions for issues you are facing. The more open and honest you are with each other, the better.
  • Do not dwell on past problems. Do not let past mistakes or misunderstandings determine the future of your marriage. While your past problems may be quite serious, dwelling on them will not help your marriage. Focus on the here and now and take each day as it comes.
  • Be more giving to one another. Be considerate of each others needs and feelings. You can do caring gestures to simply show that you are thinking of them. If you are unsure as to what you should do for your spouse, ask them what you can do to make them happy. Doing something that will make them feel loved  and special can go a long way towards strengthening your relationship. Sometimes doing the simplest things can mean the most to them.

If you have tried all of the above and still are asking how to save my marriage, a professional marriage counselor may be your best option. The decision to go to a counselor must be made by both of you as it will not work if you both do not participate fully.

If you are both truly committed to making changes to save your marriage, a counselor can offer unbiased advice to help you. By getting advice from counselor, it may help you see your problems in a different light and help you find solutions.

Relationships And Cheating How To Get Over It

June 25, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Does it seem like relationships and cheating go to together like chocolate and peanut butter? It can start to when everyone you know has had someone cheat on them. And chances are that you’ve had someone cheat on you. Or when it comes to relationships and cheating, you were the one doing the cheating.

Cheating hurts. It hurts the person who’s being cheated on, and believe it or not, it hurts the cheater. The cheater has to hide what he’s doing, probably has to lie to keep it a secret and has to feel the guilt that goes with it.

Even if he or she doesn’t seem guilty, they probably secret feel guilty. When there are relationships and cheating occurs, that doesn’t mean the end of the relationship every time.

You’ve been in a relationship and you’ve been cheated on, and you’ve gotten back together or you’ve never broken up. Can you really make it work now that the other person has cheated? How do you get over it? Will he cheat again?

It’s not easy to save these relationships, and cheating is something that can sometimes happen more than once. But if you can truly rebuild your trust in the other person, then you can stay together and be happy.

Do you know why the person cheated on you? That’s a very important consideration in whether you’ll be able to trust them not to cheat on you again. Were things not good in your relationship at the time, or was it just convenient and just “happened?” You should be able to have a calm discussion about these reasons.

If the reasons turn out to be things like he or she was simply bored that day and the opportunity came along, then you may have problems. If the other person can give no better reasons for hurting you that way, you may want to consider whether you really can forgive them to be happy. It won’t be easy.

If you were having problems, then at least the other person may have thought that the relationship was going to end anyway. They might have felt ignored or undervalued. This is not to give them a good excuse for cheating—they were wrong. But it can help you to understand what they were thinking at the time and you can work on the problems together.

Relationships and cheating are a curious mixture, with some couples able to move on quite well after the devastation of an affair. Sometimes, though, the person who was cheating on can’t get over it. To stay in the relationship when there’s no trust there, and he or she fears that the other will cheat at any time, can be a miserable thing to do.

The constant suspicions can make you miserable, and can make the other person feel under a microscope 24/7. You have to decide to trust the person not to hurt you again, and let go of the fear even though it can be very hard to do in relationships and cheating situations.

Get Your Husband Back – 5 Helpful Tips

May 17, 2009 | Leave a Comment

“I want my husband back” is the cries of many women who have seen their marriage start to crumble. Often it happens quietly and slowly and before you know it the marriage looks like it is coming to an end. If you aren’t willing to let your marriage die, if you aren’t willing to let it fall apart right before your very eyes, then do something about it. Here are some tips that can help you get your husband back.

  1. Realize that it wasn’t just you and it wasn’t just him. It was the both of you. If you are willing to make changes in the way you approach the marriage, your husband might be willing to. Some of it comes down to the way you look at the situation.
  2. Realize that it wasn’t all one person who is at fault. “It takes two to tango” the saying goes. The same thing is true in any relationship. It isn’t just one person that makes it work and it isn’t just one person that causes it to fall apart. Don’t put all of the weight on your shoulders and don’t put it all on your husband’s. Pull your weight and encourage him by example to pull his own in trying to make things right.
  3. Start with where you are in life and see where you are in life. Look at what it is that makes you happy and drives you. Look for the same thing with your husband. Try to find common ground. If there is love there, you will find that common ground.
  4. Once you have found that common ground, try to find some way to use that to your advantage. If there is something that brings the two of you joy, try to find some way for the two of you to experience it together. Let it seem like a spontaneous thought and try to make it seem like it is his idea. Try and generate some excitement about it. Don’t go over board with the excitement, though.
  5. When you are doing the things that the both of you love, let him know how special you think he is and how much you appreciate him. Let him know that you miss what you used to have. Let him know how you feel. It is easier to have those feelings reciprocated when you are both having fun doing something you love. Don’t be afraid to tell him, “I want my husband back.” You may just find out he wants the same thing.

You have to know that it may not be possible to get back the relationship to the level it was when it was at its peak. You should believe, though, that what you saw as the high point of your relationship doesn’t have to be the all time high point. The best in life is still to come if you are willing to do the work that you need to do. Tell yourself, “I want my husband back, I want the relationship back stronger than ever” and then work to make it happen.

Putting the Past into Past and Moving On

April 2, 2009 | 1 Comment

Thanks for your email.

You are right when you say that you can’t erase the past, and the scars of your past behaviors are significant. The success of your marriage is really going to hinge on a few things, including:

1. You and your wife living near each other, preferably in the same country and same state. A long-distance relationship is not a marriage, nor is it an appropriate place from which no negotiate the future of your marriage.

2. Your wife’s ability to trust you again and find positive ways of channeling her pain. In order for you to regain her trust you need to demonstrate through actions, not words, that changes have been made.

3. You going to a counselor to resolve your childhood issues that you have carried into adulthood. It’s time to stop making excuses.You need to decide if you want to be present in the relationship. What do I mean by this? Be there for your wife. Nurture her, take care of her, appreciate her, share your feelings with her, share your dreams with her, be her lover and her friend.

Now expanding on those points, you identify that your behaviors are symptomatic of unresolved issues from your childhood. Have you sought treatment for those issues? Those that we resist, persist. Don’t assume that your problems will go away on their own. Learn the lessons from your past, get counseling, modify your behaviors and stop making excuses. Your past may have affected you in a negative way, but one of the responsibilities of an adult and a father is that you are aware of your issues and seek treatment for them. Your childhood didn’t cause you to have affairs. You did. That was a choice you made, and one that your wife and family will now have to live with.

The next point is that neither of you have been present in the relationship for a long time, both emotionally and physically. Your wife didn’t have an affair because you did. She had an affair because she needed to feel the love and attention that you were unable to offer her. Your wife needed to be reminded of her femininity – her presence as a woman, and this is a very real need that needs to be fulfilled within the marriage if it’s going to survive. She had given up on you emotionally, and in that moment, in her mind, you stopped being her husband. You had not been present in the marriage for even longer, at least as long as you were having affairs.

How do you recreate this presence? Communication. Talking about feelings. Finding moments of connection with your partner where you can demonstrate the love you have for one another. This is about an emotional as well as physical connection. Remember what it was like when you first met your wife?

What is your idea of the perfect relationship? What changes do you think need to be made in your relationship to get there? The biggest I can see is presence and communication. It’s your responsibility to participate in the relationship and make this happen. Don’t let your past hold you back.

Hope this helps.

Written by Andrew Rusbatch – Co-author of Save My Marriage Today.

You too can email your marriage problem to Andrew and get real advice for your specific situation. This service is provided as a bonus to Save My Marriage Today eBook. Check out now before the bonus is taken out. Visit –  http://www.savemarriagesite.com/go/savemarriage.html

Owning Your Past and Looking Forward

March 31, 2009 | Leave a Comment

When reading of people’s justification for their unhappy marriages, I hear a lot of stories. Miscommunication, hurt feelings, different expectations of what marriage is, different expectations of what is involved in parenting, different personalities and cultures, and past scars and traumatic childhoods.

Today we are going to look at the scars of the past, particularly with unresolved issues from childhood or past relationships. It’s something that happens to a lot of couples, and it’s an enormously destructive force.

When you meet the person you love, quite often they have lived a part of their lifetime before meeting you, and immersed themselves in a range of different experiences, some good, some bad. Emotional baggage is something that all of us carry within us to an extent, but how much we bring into a relationship can really effect how the relationship dynamic works.

I received an email from a man who had been married for a number of years, and was a chronic adulterer. He blamed it on unresolved issues from childhood, perhaps a lack of connection with a parent figure, or low self-esteem, either way he continued to have affairs at intervals right through his married life. His wife was aware of what was happening, and after a number of affairs she simply stopped participating on an emotional level. A part of her died every time he went outside the relationship in search of that elusive fulfillment. Eventually she sought solace in the arms of another, and an affair ensued. Now his wife has decided she wants to end the marriage, and this man believes it is motivated by revenge. This man wants to start over, but doesn’t know where to begin.

Written by Andrew Rusbatch – Co-author of Save My marriage Today Newsletter.

P.S: Andrew’s reply will be posted in a couple of days.

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