Save A Marriage – Communication Is The Key

May 21, 2011 | Leave a Comment

Every marriage is important so each one deserves a full effort from both parties.  But sometimes a couple will experience trouble and it seems that there is no way to solve the problem without divorce.  If this is happening to you there are ways to save a marriage, but it will take effort on the part of both people.

The important thing to remember here is communication. Often, as couples settle into their marriage, they start to become complacent.  They feel as if there is no further need to put any effort into their relationship.  Both people fall into a routine and life just happens without giving any special attention to it.  This is the main problem with marriage today.

If there has not been a consistent effort from both parties then now is not the time to focus on that: this is more of a survival period.  This is the time that you both need to sit down together and talk.  No arguing, and no finger pointing: just talk.

This is the time to be brutally honest.  Write down everything that you love about the other person.  Make the list as long as you can.  Now, look over the list.  When was the last time that you told the other person how much you love these traits about them?  People love to feel wanted and this would be a good time to start letting the other person know that they are, in fact, wanted.

Ask the other person if there are things you can do to make the marriage better for them. Couples always go out of their way for each other until they marry.  Then, they settle in for the long haul and things start to slip.  Recognizing an area that needs improvement shows that you are genuinely interested in working on it.  Showing effort and concern shows the other person that you do to want to give up and they shouldn’t either.

If communication has broken down too far then do not be afraid to bring in outside help.  Counselors are trained to listen and will not take sides.  And sometimes seeing things from an outside perspective brings clarity to the problem.

Many people want to save a marriage, but they might just feel so frustrated that they think it is too late.  There is always time to start the healing process.  Communication, patience, understanding and love are all important parts that must work together in order to be successful.

Is My Marriage In Trouble?

May 6, 2010 | Leave a Comment

If you are asking yourself the question is my marriage in trouble then it could appear that the answer is yes but this doesn’t mean that it is. It might not be in grave danger of heading to the divorce courts but you are obviously not happy in the relationship if you are thinking this way. This maybe because there are issues between yourself and your partner or it may just be your perception of how things are. You could be feeling unfulfilled and lonely.

Whatever the reason for your feelings you need to get to the bottom of them or your marriage will be affected. It is not possible to have a happy relationship when one or both partners are feeling isolated, unloved or confused. It is not your partner’s responsibility to solve your problems, emotional or otherwise for you, but it does help when they are supportive and understanding.

You may be feeling down because your diet is lacking in certain vitamins and minerals. For example, women of childbearing age need plenty of Vitamin B in their diets as otherwise their hormones can cause them problems. They can suffer from restless sleeping as well as mood swings and depression. Often you don’t get sufficient vitamin B from natural resources so you may need a course of vitamin tablets to get you back on an even keel. Speak to your doctor if you are finding it difficult to sleep, are tired all the time or having difficulty shedding excess weight. You may have an underlying medical condition such as a thyroid problem and so need medical treatment. Men can be affected too.

Your worries may highlight a problem in your relationship. Have you tried talking to your partner about your feelings? It is not the easiest thing to do but once you take the first step you may find that you start to feel better. Communication is not a skill we learn in school or college. It is one of those things that people just assume we learn as we are growing up. Some people are natural communicators but most of us struggle to put our feelings into words particularly when talking to the person who means more to us than anyone else.

In the book The Magic Of Making Up, the writer discusses the problems that communication issues between couples cause. Most marriages end due to bad communication rather than an affair or abuse. And the really sad bit is that a significant number of break ups could have been avoided if one or both partners asked for help.

So don’t sit and wallow in your feelings. Talk to your partner today. Find some quiet time together and tell them how you are feeling and ask them how they feel about things and take it from there. You may find a little bit of good communication and some time together will help to resolve your worries and you will no longer be asking is my marriage in trouble.

7 Effective Tips To Help Save Marriage

January 31, 2010 | Leave a Comment

Statistically speaking, nearly sixty percent of marriages fail. Many couples are looking into ways to avoid becoming that statistic. Although some marriages cannot be fixed, many can.  It takes dedication and determination on the part of both the husband and the wife to help save their marriage, regardless of what the underlying problems are or who is at fault.

The following are some effective tips to help save marriage.  However, for these to work, both the husband and wife must be committed to following these guidelines and work together to solve their differences.

  1. Communicate. This is absolutely essential for making a marriage work and last.  You both must clearly state how you feel, your opinions, your wants and needs to each other.  By discovering what each of you feel is wrong in your marriage, you can work towards a solution.
  2. Keep calm. When you are having problems in your marriage it is easy to get upset. Try to approach your problems with a level head and voice. Being hurtful or disrespectful to your spouse will not help the situation.
  3. Compromise. It takes two in a marriage, so both of your views must be respected. If you give a little, you may get a lot and be happier.
  4. Set goals. Goals give you direction. Make sure to set goals in your marriage that reflect both of your views and determine what you both need to do to get there.
  5. Be patient. It takes time to work on problems in a marriage. Make sure that you are patient with your spouse as well as with yourself as you work towards fixing problems. Rushing to fix things can have an adverse effect.
  6. Forgive and forget. Depending on your situation, this can be difficult, especially if your partner was unfaithful. If you want to save your marriage in spite of their infidelity, you will have to try and forgive them so that you can work together to preserve your marriage. Forgetting about what they have done may not be easy either. If you want to move on, it is essential that you are not dwelling on the past. Focus on the here and now and what you can both can do today to make your marriage better.
  7. Get counseling. If you cannot work out your differences, counseling can help.  A good counselor can help you with guidance, support, encouragement and give you unbiased views that can give you insight on how to correct the problems in your marriage. They can help you find the right solutions and methods based on what is best for you as a couple for the problems that are being faced.


It is very important that you both agree to counseling and intend to take an active role in your sessions for counseling to be an effective tool for help in your marriage. When choosing a counselor, make sure that they are licensed professionals and that you feel comfortable working with them.

Effective Tips On How To Save My Marriage

January 28, 2010 | Leave a Comment

Marriage is a union of two people, so finding solutions to your marriage problems together is essential. Here are some tips that can help bring you together and increase the chances of your marriage lasting:

  • No marriage is perfect. Unlike fairy tales, typical marriages have their flaws just like each of us do. Do not expect perfection from each other. Accept that there will be lumps and bumps along the way.
  • Marriage requires work. For your relationship to work, both of you need to realize that it takes work to make a marriage strong. The more work that you put into your marriage can result in an honest and happy relationship. If you do not take this seriously, it can be detrimental. The areas that typically need the most work involve trust and respect in one another . Without these things, your relationship will fall apart.
  • Communicate and listen effectively. Create an environment where you can talk to each other without getting upset. Speak calmly and clearly about how you feel and allow your partner to do the same. Make sure to listen to what they have to say, regardless of what they say. Discuss how each of you feel and find common ground where both of you feel that you can find solutions for issues you are facing. The more open and honest you are with each other, the better.
  • Do not dwell on past problems. Do not let past mistakes or misunderstandings determine the future of your marriage. While your past problems may be quite serious, dwelling on them will not help your marriage. Focus on the here and now and take each day as it comes.
  • Be more giving to one another. Be considerate of each others needs and feelings. You can do caring gestures to simply show that you are thinking of them. If you are unsure as to what you should do for your spouse, ask them what you can do to make them happy. Doing something that will make them feel loved  and special can go a long way towards strengthening your relationship. Sometimes doing the simplest things can mean the most to them.

If you have tried all of the above and still are asking how to save my marriage, a professional marriage counselor may be your best option. The decision to go to a counselor must be made by both of you as it will not work if you both do not participate fully.

If you are both truly committed to making changes to save your marriage, a counselor can offer unbiased advice to help you. By getting advice from counselor, it may help you see your problems in a different light and help you find solutions.

If You Don’t Want Divorce, Don’t Consider It

January 25, 2010 | Leave a Comment

No one goes into their marriage wanting to fail. Many couples don’t want divorce because they believe that it equals failure. New facts and figures now state that if divorce is not considered when problems arise in a marriage that couples can resolve their issues and have a stronger marriage.

If you are having problems and are considering divorce, make sure to try to find alternatives that promote fixing the problems via open and truthful communication or marriage counseling. This is preferable over the pain and effort involved in divorcing your spouse.

When others hear that you are having marriage trouble, many couples get unsolicited advice from friends and coworkers that they really dont want. Divorce to others can be seen as a quick fix when in truth it can simply add to your problems rather than fixing them. While you appreciate the support and advice offered by your friends, keep in mind that this is your marriage, not theirs.

By looking at statistics, 80 percent of surveyed couples who at one time considered divorce and subsequently decided not to go through with it claimed to be happily married years later. This can be explained by two possible outcomes. The first is that the couples who previously were considering divorce decided to deal with their problems directly. In doing so, it not only acknowledged their problems but it may have resulted in their finding effective solutions that saved their marriage.

The second is that when divorce was considered that it can change the entire dynamic of a relationship. For some couples this could be a positive thing or it could be detrimental to others. If a problem develops, those considering a divorce could see this as a way out without ever dealing with the issue directly. If these problems grow or the issues faced become more divisive, the option of divorce can be seen as an easy out and therefore become very appealing.

However, those who did not consider a divorce may find some success. They are forced to deal with their problems, and possibly find a constructive solution and common ground. Although this can be hard work and is not as easy as a divorce appears to be in fixing problems, working together and facing issues can be much more rewarding.

Marriage is a team of two players. When both players are actively working towards solutions to their problems and remove divorce as an option, resolutions can be found for their differences. This will strengthen their marriage as you will be working towards something better rather than looking for a way to cut your losses and run.

If you remove divorce as an option and resolve to work through your differences, you can make your marriage work.  It will give you the motivation to work to improve your relationship through understanding and communication. By listening to each other and finding ways to compromise that benefit the both of you; you can build a marriage that will last for years to come.

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