Marriage Requirements – Do You Make The Grade

May 2, 2010 | Leave a Comment

It is amazing how many people will search for marriage requirements to see if they can legally get married.   Yes these same people may not give the same time and thought to whether the person they are marrying is the right one for them. It is so easy to get caught up in the romance of the occasion and to forget that while your wedding day is a big event, it is the start of something so much bigger.

Getting married is a commitment and should be treated as such.  More people give longer thought to taking out a joint mortgage than to getting married. This could be due to the fact that divorce is relatively inexpensive, unless you have a complicated estate or are very wealthy, and it is also socially acceptable in most circles.  The fact that celebrities marry and divorce at will certainly doesn’t help.

The sad fact is though that most people do not walk away from a broken marriage without incurring pain and scarring.  It is difficult to see all your dreams of happiness with another person die.  And it is worse when you remember that a significant number of people who divorce, regret it.  They don’t regret getting married, they regret getting divorced!

So what can you do to prevent landing in a similar situation?  The first step is to be realistic in your expectations.  While it is fantastic to have your husband or wife as your best friend, they cannot supply you with everything you need. You have to a happy individual in your own right or you will make both of you miserable.  You need to be independent even though you are part of a couple. You need to show your partner love, respect and loyalty while still giving them and expecting them to give you the freedom to have a life of your own.  Your partner should know that they can go out with their friends and have a good time without getting the third degree on their return. Your relationship will be much more successful if everyone involved has room to develop and breathe.  And if you do have kids be careful to still make your relationship a priority as one day they will grow up and leave home and you don’t want to be left with a stranger for company.

You need to do things as a couple and spend quality time together. Nurture your love and show appreciation for each other.  Surprise your partner with a small romantic gesture every now and then and not just on the obvious occasions like their birthday, Valentines day or your wedding anniversary.

In the Magic of Making Up you will get more ideas on how to prevent your marriage or relationship from joining the depressing list of the divorce statistics.  So stop worrying about marriage requirements and concentrate instead of being sure that you two are made to last the distance.

Advice On Love To Save Your Relationship

January 15, 2010 | Leave a Comment

Today we are faced with so many things coming at us from so many directions. With all these stresses in life it’s tough to keep our relationships strong, and if you want to save your relationship, just finding the time to work on it can be a challenge. This article will give you advice on love to save your relationship, it’s aimed at all the overly stressed busy people who still want to make their relationships work.

Here are 3 things you can start doing today to keep your relationship strong, or pull it back from the brink. It’s not so much about how much time you spend together, it’s more about the quality of time that the two of you spend together.  Keep that in mind when going over the list:

  • Figure out what activities that the two of you like to do as a couple. It doesn’t matter if it’s round of golf or a trip to the local movie theater. As long as you can share an experience that is enjoyable, for both of you. When it’s your time, make arrangements for the kids to spend the night at grandma’s, turn off the cell phones and Blackberries, take the phone off the hook, and turn off the t.v. This is about connecting with each other, not just co-existing in the same place at the same time.This is so important for two reasons.  One, it will allow you time to relax and unwind from the stresses of life.  That will help each of you individually and also will allow both of you to bring more to the relationship since you’ll be more relaxed and at ease.  And two, it gives the two of you precious memories that you can relive from time to time with each other.  It’s fun to have shared experiences where you can say ‘remember when we did…’?  That creates a deeper bond between the two of you..
  • So many couples only talk about mundane daily things like asking your spouse if they had a good day,  or if they picked up milk on the way home.  Try to make time each week to really talk.  Don’t turn it into a complaining time, just talk.  Tell your partner about your dreams, relive some fun past times, etc.  Make it a positive time.  Really be willing to talk, and listen, and let each other into your minds a little bit.
  • Try to always remind yourself what it was that first attracted you to your partner.  Was it their laugh, their offbeat sense of humor, their goofy expressions? Whatever it was don’t let yourself forget that.  And while you’re reminding yourself, make sure to let them know too.  If you fell in love with their laugh, tell them, often, that you love the way they laugh.  So much of that positive reinforcement seems to go out the window the longer the relationship goes on.  And that’s a shame.  Everyone wants to feel loved and appreciated, don’t ever let your partner feel like you don’t find that thing you fell in love with attractive anymore.

A loving relationship is one of the best things you can do for yourself.  Many people will tell you that relationships are ‘hard’ and that they ‘take a lot of work’.  I don’t agree.  I believe that if you are with the right person, if you’re both mature adults who really want to make the relationship work, and if you know what to look out for, your relationship can be very easy.  Just use this advice on love to save your relationship as a starting point.

Love Relationship Advice

January 11, 2010 | Leave a Comment

For most people, it’s pretty easy to find love.  The challenge often seems to be to be able to make it last.  Keeping your love for each other strong is not impossible.  You just have to understand why it falls apart and make sure you, and your partner, avoid those traps.  That’s where love relationship advice comes in handy.

With the advent of online dating sites there are more ways than ever to meet ‘the one’.  It’s a much better method than cruising the bar scene looking for someone special.  For most couples the first few months is pretty easy.  You are falling in love and you think the other person is perfect.  You can see no wrong in them or what they do.  And maybe there isn’t anything wrong with the way they, or you, act in the early stages of a relationship.

They say that familiarity breeds contempt and if that’s true it would go a long way to explaining why the longer a relationship goes on the more it tends to break down.

Here is a list of some of the things you, and your partner, need to be on the lookout for in your relationship.  These are common traps that many couples fall into without realizing it.  If you know what to watch out for and can avoid these mistakes you will have a much better chance of keeping your relationship strong and healthy for a long time:

1. Unrealistic expectations.  As I said above we think our new love can do no wrong.  As our relationship slowly changes from falling in love to being in love and all the day to day stresses and mundane tasks we must face, it’s easy to lose some of that early ‘glow’.  This can be a pivotal time in many relationships, sometimes the couple will think that they just don’t love each other anymore and break up.

In reality, in any long term relationship, you will spend a much longer time in this ‘normal’ mode than you will in the early ‘glow’ mode.  It’s important to recognize that this is all a normal progression in an adult relationship.

2. Inability to effectively communicate.  Men and women express themselves differently…that’s just the way it is.  The good news is that you can learn to communicate with your partner effectively, if you’re willing to take some time to learn how. The whole ‘it’s a guy thing’ or ‘it’s a girl thing’ is only true to a point, and is largely just a cop out.  In reality any mature, intelligent adult should be able to learn how to talk to their partner, and even more importantly, listen to their partner.  The real question is do you care enough about your partner and the relationship to take the time?

3.  Don’t confuse sex with love.  This may sound obvious but men and women tend to look at sex in different ways.  Women, for example, tend to look at sex as a way to connect with someone they love on a deeper physical level.  Yes, it’s pleasurable, but the pleasure isn’t just physical it’s emotional as well.

Men tend to look at sex as definition of who they are as a man.  For them too, it’s pleasurable but it’s also a way to prove their desirability and masculinity.  Sometimes when a relationship gets to the ‘comfortable’ stage this difference in views about sex can create problems.  If one partner doesn’t seem sexually interested in the other partner it can create severe stress on the relationship.

If your relationship gets to this point, it might help if you and your partner can remember that sex is only one small component of every thing your relationship is made up of.  While for many couples, having an active sex life is an important part of the relationship, it’s important to understand that as you age and your relationship grows, it probably won’t be  quite as important as it once was. That doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t love you or find you attractive, it’s just a fairly common way for long term relationships to go.

I hope this love relationship advice will help you hold on to the love you’ve found.  Being able to make a deep, long lasting, connection with another person really is one of life’s blessings.  Make your connection last by learning how to avoid the pitfalls of some relationships.

Is There A Secret To Relationships

August 21, 2009 | Leave a Comment

If there were a magic secret to relationships, someone would have already bottled it and made millions of dollars. But there are several ways to make your relationship strong and give it the best chance of lasting a lifetime. Most of them are common sense and some are just reminders of when the relationship was new. None of them is really a secret.

  • Love. It’s not enough to love your partner, but you have to show them that you love them often. You should never be in a relationship if you don’t feel genuine love for someone, and feel comfortable expressing it.
  • Respect. If you don’t respect the person you’re with, there’s little hope for the relationship. If you laugh at your partner, feel he or she is often a joke, dumb or worthy of some kind of scorn, then what’s the point?
  • Kindness. Treat your partner with kindness always. A secret to relationships is to be as courteous when you’re alone and not feeling thrilled at that moment as you would with a stranger on the street.
  • Thoughtfulness. Put your partner’s needs and desires at the top of your list. Little gestures are often some of the most powerful.
  • Honesty. Lies can ruin a relationship quickly, even if they’re lies about nothing important. Don’t do anything deceptive and you’ll never have to lie in the first place.

All of those are important to a relationship and may be called the “secret to relationships.” But you really need all of them for a good relationship, and they’re things everyone already knows. The hard part can be figuring out how to express some of them.

Honest is pretty easy to show. Simply be open and honest during conversations. Don’t be afraid to let your partner see your true self, especially when you feel scared, sad, lonely or vulnerable.

Showing respect and showing kindness can go hand in hand. By treating your partner with respect, you show that you support them. You’ll back them up in their ideas and actions because you respect and believe in them.

Even when you don’t necessarily feel they’re doing the right thing, you can respect their decision and be kind in your words about it. Disagreeing pleasantly is a so-called secret to relationships.

Thoughtfulness and love can be expressed hand in hand, too. Telling your partner that you love him is one way to express love. But maybe he feels more loved when you reach out and rub his shoulders for a minute as you pass. Or you balance the checkbook so he doesn’t have to do it.

People perceive love differently. If you can find what your partner perceives as the most loving thing and do that, you’re expressing your love perfectly for that person. And you’re being thoughtful, too. You’re thinking of that person and trying to make them happy.

If you combine these things and apply them, then you’ve found the secret to relationships that can make your partnership a happy one.

The Best Spouse Relationships

June 27, 2009 | Leave a Comment

The best spouse relationships are based on love and respect. That goes without saying, doesn’t it? Everyone probably realizes that love and respect are crucial to having a good marriage. But beyond love and respect there are a few things that can help spouse relationships.

Think back to when you were first married. If you’re newly married, think back to when you first met and were dating. How did you treat your partner?  You probably treated your partner with respect, but also with kindness and thoughtfulness.

Unfortunately, it’s common that the longer we know someone, the less kind we tend to be toward them. One would think that the opposite holds true. But we start to take the other person for granted and think they’ll always be there, no matter what.

Think of the last time you went to the bank or grocery store and spoke to the cashier. Maybe you exchanged words with a stranger. How was the tone of your voice and your words? You probably sounded like the sweetest person on the planet. That person might have thought “how polite” when you walked away.

Now think to the words and the tone of the voice you use with your spouse sometimes. When you get angry or you’re unhappy about something, think about how you sound. Would you ever speak that way to a stranger?  If you’re thinking “probably not” then you’ve started taking advantage of your spouse.

People do it with close friends, parents and children, too. If we could record people’s conversations and play them back at a different time, people might be ashamed of how they sounded. And they probably wouldn’t speak that way to someone they didn’t know well for fear of hurting their feelings!

Good spouse relationships are kind ones. Everyone gets angry now and then. And yes, everyone says things he or she regrets in an angry and even hateful tone of voice. But you can keep these instances to a minimum by just thinking about whether you’d talk to your postman or your boss that way.

Thoughtfulness is also an important factor in good spouse relationships. People love their spouses, but it seems the longer they’re together, they less they sometimes show it. Your spouse is one person you should make a point of being thoughtful toward, too.

In the beginning when you’re first dating someone or first married, you might send (or receive) flowers, cards and little surprises. Generally after people are married for a while, these sorts of things slow down or stop. Remembering to be thoughtful and surprise your spouse can help makes yours one of the better spouse relationships.

Try to keep in mind that marriage isn’t written in stone. There really are other opportunities out there for your spouse. Bring back some of the things you did and said when you were trying to win this person. Be kind and thoughtful as much as you can. Those combined with love and respect will make yours one of the enduring spouse relationships.

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