How To Stop My Divorce

March 25, 2009 | 1 Comment

First, if you were the one who made the decision to end the marriage and now you wonder, how can I stop my divorce? You should realize that you’re in a much better position than most people trying to save their relationships.  You’ll need to swallow your pride and go to your spouse with an apology.  Explain that you acted hastily and that now you regret it.  Explain that you no longer want the divorce, and maybe even that you never wanted it but you spoke out of anger and you were wrong.

This might seem a difficult step, but it’s necessary.  Since you were the one to bring up the issue of divorce, your spouse might have started seriously considering and thinking that it’s a good idea, too.  When you want to know, “How to stop my divorce,” you need to discover what your spouse thinks of the idea and make it clear that you were wrong.  Unless they’ve had a lot of time and reason to decide that you were right and divorce is the best step, you can probably save the marriage just by admitting you made a mistake.

If you’re wondering, “How can I stop my divorce when I didn’t want it in the first place,” then you have your work cut out for you.  You can explain, without judgment or accusations, that you think the marriage is worth saving and that you don’t want a divorce.  Chances are that you’ve done this, more than once.  But the way you say it can make a difference.

It’s important for you to be very mature and calm about it.  That’s not always easy to do.  Divorce is an emotional and painful thing.  But it’s one thing to cry while explaining that you want to stay married, and entirely another to yell or dissolve into hysterics.  If you scream, accuse or point fingers at your spouse, you’re giving him or her even more reason to want to get away from you. If you want to learn ‘how to stop my divorce’ you have to let go of the anger and resentment you feel toward your spouse for ever suggesting it in the first place.

You also have to be willing to work on your problems. You must agree that the relationship can’t go back to the way it was, but must change for the better.  Suggest marital counseling.  Explain, “I want to stop my divorce,” but make it clear you know your spouse was unhappy with the way things were, and you’re ready to make them better.

Grab advance technique on Stopping Divorce at:

http://savemarriagesite.com/go/makingupmagic.html

Posted by Wan | Filed Under Stop Your Divorce 

Divorce and the Impact on Our Children

January 5, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Divorce doesn’t just affect you and your spouse, it affects all those around you, including your children. When you are having issues in your relationship and thinking about filing for divorce, it can be an extremely confusing time for children. Seeing instability in what was always known as a safe, stable environment for children can be very frightening. While it is very important for you and your spouse to do everything in your power to work through the issues you are having, remember to keep an open dialog with your children as well as to reassure them that they did nothing wrong and, no matter what, that they will be safe and loved.

Children are much more perceptive than we give them credit for, and can easily pick up on any tension you and your spouse may be having in the home. While during this time it is critical to open the lines of communication between you and your spouse, it is even more essential to do so between you and your children. If you decide to seek outside help, ask your children if they would like to talk to someone to help them through the tough time.

Stability is a very large part of a healthy child’s life, and when you are having issues in the home, this can be the biggest thing that is interrupted. You may be tempted not to come home or to leave the house after an argument, but in a child’s eyes this could be considered abandonment and not a part of the norm. When the status quo is shaken up in a child’s life, it could lead to behavioral issues and problems in school. Even if you and your spouse are having issues, retaining the “normal” lifestyle that you are used to as a family will go a long way to keeping your children feeling safe and stable.

If you feel that divorce is your only option, please reconsider getting some true help to do everything you can to open the lines of communication and get back on the right track with your marriage. If you don’t want to do it for yourself, at least do it for your children. The normalcy and stability it will bring to their lives is worth it.

Article Source: www.savemymarriage.com

Posted by Wan | Filed Under Save Marriage Tips 

When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms

September 17, 2008 | Leave a Comment

This story touched, moved and inspired me. Allow me to share with you.

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy.. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls’ eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.

Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife.. But I couldn’t help doing so.

I moved Dew’s hands aside and said you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I’ve got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.

Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew’s body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slightly joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn’t imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I’ve got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the serious topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I’m serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer made her angry.. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month’s time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn’t want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically.

I told Dew about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don’t tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn’t tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain.. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn’t notice that our life lacked intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won’t divorce. I’m serious.

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever.. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of life, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until we are old.

If the story touches, moves and inspires you, share it with your friends. They might get something from it.

Posted by Wan | Filed Under Marriage Problems 

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