Save A Marriage – Communication Is The Key

May 21, 2011 | Leave a Comment

Every marriage is important so each one deserves a full effort from both parties.  But sometimes a couple will experience trouble and it seems that there is no way to solve the problem without divorce.  If this is happening to you there are ways to save a marriage, but it will take effort on the part of both people.

The important thing to remember here is communication. Often, as couples settle into their marriage, they start to become complacent.  They feel as if there is no further need to put any effort into their relationship.  Both people fall into a routine and life just happens without giving any special attention to it.  This is the main problem with marriage today.

If there has not been a consistent effort from both parties then now is not the time to focus on that: this is more of a survival period.  This is the time that you both need to sit down together and talk.  No arguing, and no finger pointing: just talk.

This is the time to be brutally honest.  Write down everything that you love about the other person.  Make the list as long as you can.  Now, look over the list.  When was the last time that you told the other person how much you love these traits about them?  People love to feel wanted and this would be a good time to start letting the other person know that they are, in fact, wanted.

Ask the other person if there are things you can do to make the marriage better for them. Couples always go out of their way for each other until they marry.  Then, they settle in for the long haul and things start to slip.  Recognizing an area that needs improvement shows that you are genuinely interested in working on it.  Showing effort and concern shows the other person that you do to want to give up and they shouldn’t either.

If communication has broken down too far then do not be afraid to bring in outside help.  Counselors are trained to listen and will not take sides.  And sometimes seeing things from an outside perspective brings clarity to the problem.

Many people want to save a marriage, but they might just feel so frustrated that they think it is too late.  There is always time to start the healing process.  Communication, patience, understanding and love are all important parts that must work together in order to be successful.

She Answered My Question with Question

October 14, 2008 | Leave a Comment

There are no two person can be reasonably expected to agree on everything. There bound to be some differences, it can be in opinions or preferences. It can be considered silly if we are not been able to recognize this as a fact of life. Failure to deal with differences can quickly spell disaster in a relationship especially marriage. Honestly, I made a lot of sins in this area of life.

In the past, I never like the way my spouse answer my question and I always criticized her about it. As far as I can remember, she never fails to answer my question with question. Let me give you a couple of examples to illustrate my points:

Q: Have you prepared the dinner?
A: Don’t you know that I’m tired?

Q: Do you like to follow me to the city?
A: Why didn’t you ask me earlier?

I criticized her for not answering the questions, she lashed back in defense, and chaos ensues. But those were in the past. Not that she has change but I have learnt to accept her the way she is not. She is not the type that answer question with an answer. She is still the same but the way I reacted has changed. This is how I answer her back in a similar situation:

Situation 1

Q: Have you prepared the dinner?
A: Don’t you know that I’m tired?

New Response: OK. I got that you didn’t prepare the dinner. So what do you like me to buy for dinner?

Situation 2

Q: Do you like to follow me to the city?
A: Why didn’t you ask me earlier?

New response: I’m leaving in half an hour. I think you’ll be ready by then.

Last time I wanted to dominate her and she was avoiding being blame. I gave that up and tried to understand her. She had a past that she had not put back into the past. She keeps telling me the story that, when she was a teenager, she had asked her father to send her friend back. He agreed to send the friend back, but on the way back he continuously scolded her for making him like a driver.  At that moment she made a decision, which she didn’t realize, that no one going to blame her again.  This past keep affecting the way she responded to a new situation which she perceived as similar to the past (Situation 1 -blame for being lazy; Situation 2 – blame for being late). I have a past too. When I was a teenager, I asked a lot of questions to my parent and grandparents. But sadly, no one seemed to bother to answer my questions. I think you know what decision I made at that time.

If you like to know, poor communication is the single biggest reason couples break up. Creating an environment of positive and loving communication is the key to life-long and happy marriage. There’s much more to learn. In Save My Marriage Today, Amy Waterman explains much more about effective communication for couples and conflict resolution. Check it out.

I Can’t Stop Arguing With My Spouse

September 6, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Sometime I got irritated when my wife told me how to do things around the house. I was doing the dishes last weekend, and she told me how to do it. I reacted to it and she brought up the past, and argument ensues.

This is not the first time we have arguments over silly thing. Last month we had argument over a misplaced bottle of vitamin. I can’t find the bottle at the usual place and I have to turn the fridge upside-down. I asked my partner where the bottle is. The answer I got was, “You are so disorganize, open your eyes.” A simple answer as to where the bottle is would have save me a lot of time and frustration.

What I want to share here is I am surprised that we still have arguments, on and off, although both us have the technique to deal with “provocation”. So, what is missing here?

Communication, communication, communication. Communication is not about speaking, it’s about being present, about listening. Have you ever wondered why your spouse said you’re not listening to her or him even though you heard what she or he was saying?

What had happened? I misinterpreted her answer as “she was making me wrong”, she misinterpreted my response as “he was invalidating me”. Fortunate for us, we have the “how to” and we were able to sort the “conflicts” quickly. In doing the dishes, my wife’s concern was to get the dishes sparkle clean. The implicit message in my response was, “I know what I’m doing, you don’t have to tell me how to do”.

Do you want to be able to have positive communication with your partner, and save your marriage? Learning how to communicate better is not enough, it just teaches you how to fight better.

If your answer to the above question is YES, sign up for FREE 6-Day E-Course here:
http://www.savemarriagesite.com/e-course/

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