Owning Your Past and Looking Forward

When reading of people’s justification for their unhappy marriages, I hear a lot of stories. Miscommunication, hurt feelings, different expectations of what marriage is, different expectations of what is involved in parenting, different personalities and cultures, and past scars and traumatic childhoods.

Today we are going to look at the scars of the past, particularly with unresolved issues from childhood or past relationships. It’s something that happens to a lot of couples, and it’s an enormously destructive force.

When you meet the person you love, quite often they have lived a part of their lifetime before meeting you, and immersed themselves in a range of different experiences, some good, some bad. Emotional baggage is something that all of us carry within us to an extent, but how much we bring into a relationship can really effect how the relationship dynamic works.

I received an email from a man who had been married for a number of years, and was a chronic adulterer. He blamed it on unresolved issues from childhood, perhaps a lack of connection with a parent figure, or low self-esteem, either way he continued to have affairs at intervals right through his married life. His wife was aware of what was happening, and after a number of affairs she simply stopped participating on an emotional level. A part of her died every time he went outside the relationship in search of that elusive fulfillment. Eventually she sought solace in the arms of another, and an affair ensued. Now his wife has decided she wants to end the marriage, and this man believes it is motivated by revenge. This man wants to start over, but doesn’t know where to begin.

Written by Andrew Rusbatch – Co-author of Save My marriage Today Newsletter.

P.S: Andrew’s reply will be posted in a couple of days.

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