How to Argue With Your Spouse

Have you ever had an argument with your spouse? I beg you have. In fact, no one is free from having arguments, especially with spouses. Each person is an individual, thus, no two people can reasonably be expected to agree on everything. Perhaps you and your spouse did not fully acknowledge your differences in the early stages of your relationship; or perhaps you felt that time and love would solve the problem.  But love is not just saying “I love you”. Love needs commitment and action.

In normal cases, arguments will make the one or both of the partners feel hurt. This negative feeling will piles upon those feelings collected from previous arguments. When one party can’t contain the feelings anymore, he or she will ask for a divorce and cause the marriage to crumble.

It doesn’t matter if you and your spouse have differences in opinion or preferences. What matter is, if you can’t avoid having arguments, do it the “right way”. How you deal and resolve those differences will determine the health of your marriage. Here are 10 rules that you must follow should you choose to argue:

  1. Avoid abuse and physical violence. If things get too hot, take a break. If you are standing, then sit down. If you are sitting down, then lie down. If you are lying down, get up and go wash your face.
  2. Avoid making your partner wrong. Instead let your partner knows how his/her actions made you feel. You are responsible for your feeling, not your partner.
  3. Be responsible. Don’t argue about one thing if something else is bothering you.
  4. Don’t take thing personally. What ever your partner said, it is not about you or what you have said. It is his/her interpretation or meaning put to what he/she heard or saw. If you take it personally, you’ll be upset and you may say or do things that make it worse.
  5. Give up the need to be right. You might win the argument, but you’ll have to pay the cost. Instead focus on resolving the issue.
  6. Misunderstood is a common thing in verbal communication. To avoid unnecessary fighting, repeat to your partner what you understand about his/her motive or what he/she said.
  7. Don’t let any argument to escalate into a fight by bringing up hurtful events from the past. Let past be where it belong, that is in the past.
  8. No name calling please. It definitely will make the argument out of control.
  9. Give up the urge to invalidate your partner. You might feel satisfied but it won’t last and will cost you the affinity.
  10. Before you go to sleep, forgive your partner and yourself (and every one else). You’ll have peace of mind and wake up fresh and energetic.

So, whether your argument is on something as tiny as where to hang your towels in your bathroom, or something of large proportion such as whether or not your sixteen-year-old is ready to get a driver’s license, learning how to resolve it is the deciding factor between reaching conclusions which both spouses can happily live with or allowing every difference to be a power-struggle of who wins and who loses.  The fact of the matter is that in a marital relationship, if differences are settled by power-struggles, everyone loses.

There much more to learn about communication and conflict resolution to ensure a happy and successful marriage. Many couples have benefited from the techniques and exercises developed by Amy Waterman, a relationship expert. In her book, Save My Marriage Today, Amy revealed to you a number of powerful techniques you can use to have healthier conflict resolutions. Visit her website HERE for more info or read my review at:

2 Responses to “How to Argue With Your Spouse”

  1. Tammy on January 28th, 2010

    2nd marriage (10years)/kids out of house but do come around consistantly. Problem – My husband makes verbal comments that are just rude not only when its just me and him but when other people are around especially when the kids are around. The comments are like personal stabs – and then if I say anything he just say “I was just joking” My kids have learned to ingnor but I cant! Ive had it. Ive tried speaking my mind, being nice and saying HUN when hes doing it. I dont know what else to do. Its not funny anymore – he has bar room sick humor and its old. He needs to grow up. How can I get to him?

  2. flight simulator online on March 8th, 2012

    Appreciate the recommendation. Let me try it out.

Got something to say?

Fix Your Marriage