How To Save Your Marriage

November 8, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Do you wonder “How to save your marriage?” Here’s some tips on how to save your marriage.

First, you need to identify the trouble in your relationship.  Some common troubles include:

  • Money concerns
  • Child rearing difficulties
  • Lack of sex
  • Lack of communication
  • Loss of identity

And, of course, there are many others.  You may discover that there is one main problem or you may identify several smaller problems that are eating away at your marriage.

When you identify the problem or problems that are at the root of your marriage troubles, you will be able to move on to the next step which is close, personal interaction.

In this step, you will need to be open to extensive conversation.  If you have not had a lot of open communication during your marriage, you may want to consider counseling in order to facilitate the personal interaction that is key to this step.

If you really want to save your marriage, you will set aside time to work on your marriage issues every single day.  You could set aside some time like after the children go to bed or you could decide to take a walk after dinner every day for just the two of you.  But, you should plan to get back in touch with each other.  A daily habit of quality time with your spouse is very important.

Take some “romantic time” each week.  For some couples, this means reinstating a “date night” every week.  On Tuesdays, for instance, you get a sitter and go out for a picnic or walk around the mall.  As you can see, this doesn’t have to involve wine and roses every week, but a romantic time that you can look forward to all week is essential.

As you spend time together being romantic and discussing your problems, you must have an open mind toward what your partner is telling you.  You need to understand that a lot of the problems in your marriage are caused by – get this – you!  Until you really listen to your partner, you are not going to be able to effect the kind of personal change necessary to save your marriage.

You need to have faith in your partner.  You need to give him or her the benefit of the doubt.  You need to believe that the marriage still can and will work.  You also need to believe that your partner is still essentially the same person he or she was when you married them.  If you cannot have faith in your partner and in your marriage, you might as well give up now.

Finally, you have to be open to forgiveness.  If your partner has made mistakes – even major ones – you must be able to forgive.  If you insist that there are things that cannot be forgiven, there is no hope for your marriage.

Everyone makes mistakes.  Some people make big mistakes.  If that person makes a genuine apology – which includes acts of contrition and an effort to change – they deserve forgiveness.

I hope this gave you answers to that perplexing question, “how to save your marriage.”

Posted by Wan | Filed Under Save Marriage Tips 

Getting CPR For Marriage In Crisis

September 4, 2009 | Leave a Comment

A marriage in crisis is difficult to handle as it seems that what was once full of life is now suffering and on the brink of dying. When you are dating, new love seems to have a life of it’s own. Everything being so new feels like a new life has begun has the two of you have started a “new life” together.

When you get married, it seems like everything just falls into place and everything makes sense. When times get tough, though, and the marriage begins to struggle it can seem like the new life is starting to get old and may die out. If you aren’t ready for your life together to die, your marriage in crisis may need to get C.P.R.

Get Counseling:

One of the most underutilized and overlooked opportunities for a marriage in crisis is getting marriage counseling. Marriage counseling will go a long ways towards helping you not only find resolution to your conflicts but will help the two of you find ways to grow closer together. Marriage counseling will help you be better able to understand each other.

Marriage counseling will also help you find better ways to express yourself in such a way that you don’t come across as attacking each other. It could very well be, though, that one of you has some serious issues that is putting your love and relationship at risk. For those issues you may want to get therapy on your own. It may be hard to do because you will have to swallow your pride but if you are serious about saving the marriage in crisis, you will want and need to do this.

Get Perspective:

For a marriage in crisis, one of the most important thing that needs to be done is to get some perspective on what is happening. This is one area that a marriage counselor will be helpful because it  will help you to look at things and situations from other perspective.

From where you are standing things may look pretty clear. However, once you are able to see from another angle, things that you couldn’t understand before may make a lot of sense. Getting perspectives from other angles and vantage points will really be helpful in helping you fully understand what is happening so that you can then save the marriage in crisis.

Get Resolve:

Once you have been able to get some perspective on the crisis at hand and are getting counseling, you will have a lot of information and ideas to go off of. Those will help repair the damage that is done IF you are able to act on it. Knowing is half the battle but no battle half fought was ever won.

If you see a drowning person and you not only know how to swim but know CPR and are trained in first aid, you may know everything you need to know to help save that person’s life. Will that knowledge save them? Only if it is acted upon.

The same thing is true with your marriage. It just takes you acting upon it and getting resolved the issues that were killing your marriage. A marriage in crisis can only be saved if you act to make things better.

Posted by Wan | Filed Under Save Marriage Tips 

Pull It Together – Help Save Marriage

September 2, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Those who want help save marriage from ending in divorce need to PULL it together. It is a hard thing to watch a marriage that was once so precious and important fall apart. It’s heart breaking to sit by as the two of you start going your separate ways. If you don’t want that to happen then do something about it. Pull it together to help save marriage.

Chill out:

Take a moment to catch your breath and step back from the situation. Not necessarily take a break from it but to just calm down. It is easy for things to get over-heated. Take a moment to catch your breath and give it a moment to cool off. When you were young you were probably told to count to 10 when you got angry so that you could give yourself a chance to get yourself under control.

The same principle applies here. Before you do anything else, take a breath. The next time something is said to you that makes you mad, calm down, get a hold of yourself and then let go of your anger. Only then can you truly learn how to communicate and take the next step to help save marriage.

Understand what is happening:

While you are “chilling out” and taking a moment to breathe, take a look at what is happening. This is where you try and look at the big picture and then look at things from other perspectives. From where you are standing at the moment things may look pretty bad. Try to look at it from other perspectives and it might not be as bad as you thought.

Try looking at it from an outsiders perspective and from the one you love. From those other perspectives you might find out why things have been getting out of control. There may be a relatively simple solution to help save marriage.

Laugh at yourselves:

This doesn’t mean to make light of the situation but it does mean don’t take yourselves so seriously. It is easy to make mountains out of mole hills. Things snowball out of control but when you are able to see what it was that actually made the snowball you may end up laughing at it.

It can be hilarious to find out how a minuscule  thing can turn into something so huge when it didn’t have to. It can be hilarious if you are willing to let it be. Many times when people go through a rough time they will say, “Sometime we are going to look back at this and laugh!” Why wait?

Look for ways to improve:

Once you have had a chance to step back and catch your breath and then been able to get some perspective on the situation, you can move on. When you have realized that at it’s root, this situation or problems that you have been struggling with is really small and manageable you can get things on track.

The next thing that you need to do is commit yourself to finding a way to improve. If you are responsible for the little things that get blown out of proportion, then try stopping it. If you have learned that you overreact, then stop it. Improve the way you handle situations and everything else may just fall into place to help save marriage.

To help save marriage, PULL together and bring back what belongs together…the two of you.

Posted by Wan | Filed Under Save Marriage Tips 

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