What Do You Want In Your Relationship?

December 25, 2008 | Leave a Comment

From a friend:

‘DO NOT LOOK BACK AND ASK WHY, LOOK FORWARD AND ASK WHY NOT’

A very valuable lesson to learn …

Interesting quote from the movie ‘Why did I get married?

In most cases, especially in relationships, you will only get 80% of what you NEED and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT in your relationship.

There is always another person (man or women) that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20% which is lacking in your relationship that you WANT And believe me, 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship.

But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80% that you know you have, thinking that you will get something better with the other 20% that you WANT

But as reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the 20% that you WANT and loosing the 80% that you really NEED and that you already had.

Be careful in deciding between what you WANT and NEED in your life.

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don’t have.

“Wow, this girl in my office is a real looker. But it’s not her Wynona Rider features that got me. I’m crazy about her because she’s also understanding, intelligent, tender – so many things that my spouse is not.”

Somewhere along the way, you’ll find a woman or a man who will be more charming or sensitive. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer. Have greater sex appeal. And you will find a woman or man who will need you and pursue you and go look over you more than your spouse ever did.

Because no wife or husband is perfect. Because a spouse will only have 80% of what you’re looking for. So adultery takes place when a husband or wife looks for the missing 20%. Let’s say your wife is melancholic by nature.

You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cherry laugh no matter what she says:
“I broke my arm yesterday, Hahahaha . . ..”

Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers and pajamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil, you may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales representative that visits your office in a sharp black blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt Or because your husband is the quiet type, your heart may skip a beat when you meet an old college flame who has the makings of a talk show host.

But wait! That’s only 20% of what you don’t have.

Don’t throw away the 80% that you already have!

That’s not all. Add to your spouse’s 80% the 100% that represents all the years that you have been with each other. The storms you have weathered together. The unforgettable moments of sadness and joy as a couple. The many adjustments you have made to love the other. The wealth of memories that you’ve accumulated as lovers.

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don’t have.

But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already have.

But I’m not just talking about marriage.

I’m talking about life!

About your jobs.
About your friends.
About your children.
About your lifestyles.

Are you like the economy airline passenger that perennially peeks through the door of the first class cabin, obsessed with what he’s missing? ‘They have got more leg room! Oh my, their food is served in porcelain! Wow, their seats recline at an 80% angle and they’ve got personal videos!’

I guarantee you’ll be miserable for the entire trip! Don’t live your life like that. Forget about what the world says is first class. Do you know that there are many first class passengers who are miserable in first class because they are not flying in a private Lear Jet?

The main message???

If you start appreciating what you have right now, wherever you are, you are first class!

Posted by Wan | Filed Under Relationship Tips 

Quieting the Mind – As a Way to Resolve Conflict in Relationships

December 5, 2008 | Leave a Comment

I noticed that most of my interactions with others are confined to exchange of words. I find it so uncomfortable to be with someone without saying a word. I would blink my eyes, scratch my head, look left, smile and other any other action just to make myself feel comfortable. If I keep still and not doing anything, I tend to judge the person or thinking what that person thinks about me. In other words, if I not doing anything my mind will wandering around.

  • What I’m going to talk about?
  • Why she’s looking at me that way?
  • I think she can’t be trusted
  • Why she does not say a word?
  • What she think about me?

A still and quiet mind can make you less reactive to the “problem” of life and it will give you inner peace. I reckoned still and quiet mind will give a tremendous boost to my relationship with others. I started practising quieting the mind with my wife. We look at each other in the eye and say nothing. It wasn’t easy when we first started. There were a lot of noises in our mind. We tend to do things to cover up being uncomfortable. However, it becomes easy and easier over time. Now we are comfortable being in stillness together. With stillness, comes the sense of spaciousness, spaces that we can fill with anything.

The relationship which is dominated by the noisy mind can easily be taken over by problems and conflict.

Posted by Wan | Filed Under Relationship Tips 

What Men Want: What He’s Saying – And What He Really Means

November 25, 2008 | Leave a Comment

What a man says and what he does are often times two different things. A relationship with a man is all about being able to ‘tell’ what he means even if he is not saying it aloud. Many times a man is going to talk about a relationship with you, a commitment if you are going to bring it up first. Often times a man is not going to initiate any discussions about a commitment or the problems the two of you are facing.

  1. A man is going to tell you he doesn’t need a paper to tell him he is involved with a woman, and to be involved in a commitment. He wants to keep the relationship the way it is already. What the man is really telling you is that yes, he loves you but he is scared. Most often, a man is not going to get married to prove that he loves you he already does or he wouldn’t be with you. A man is not going to get married and not take that final step in commitment because he is happy with the understanding and the relationship that you already have and enjoy.
  2. A man who is online all the time, and who is involved with chatting with girls tells you it is just for fun, and that you should trust him more because what harm could come from chatting online. He wants to continue chatting online with women and he wants you to butt out of his life. The reality of what a man is telling in you in this situation is that he is talking with someone online and sharing his life with someone online. He knows it is wrong, but you are not going to be able to tell him what to do or how he should be doing it. A man is going to continue chatting online because he feels the challenge of the woman on the other end of the line, and loves the new attention he is getting from her.
  3. The man in your life is constantly telling you to get a job, that you need to be more supportive of the household. What this man is really trying to tell you is that he can’t support all of your needs and his. He feels that for the relationship to work, you need to take an active role in bringing in the money and paying for some of the bills as well. The man in your life could be afraid that you are depending on him just too much and that you should get out there and make new friends, even if they are friends you meet at work.
  4. A man who hits a woman, and then tells you he is sorry and didn’t mean it is really lying. A man, that is abusive, is going to continue to be abusive. The abusive man wants to feel power and control in the relationship. The man who can’t control his feelings is likely to never change, unless you are able to change the reason why he hit you to start with. Your best option is to run from this relationship no matter what the cost or pain you feel.
  5. When a man tells you that his family is very important to him and that you need to back down from his mother he is really telling you that he would choose his mother over you. While he might tell you it is going to be easier to get along if you were to change, he is really telling you that no matter what you do you are never going to please her, so you will have to change your ways to be a part of the family. In reality if the family can’t accept who you are and how your life is, you shouldn’t be a part of that family. It will only lead to ongoing grief and frustration in your life.
  6. A man who is constantly working late, and calls to tell you he will be late again is not always on the up and up. If his paycheck never changes, or when you call the office and he doesn’t answer, the man is really telling you that he is not coming home right now and he has better things to do than to spend time with you. If you are always sitting at home, wondering where your man is, and he tells you he is working late all the time and can’t make time for important matters, you need to move on in life because nine times out of ten he is cheating on you.
  7. A man feels there is nothing wrong with having women friends. Most times this is going to be the case, and a woman friend is not going to be a problem. However, if your man is telling you that he just likes hanging out with this one woman he knows, it is likely he is cheating on you. He may not be having sexual relations with her, but he is cheating on you because he is giving his attention to her. He is cheating on you by being there for her and not for you when you need him most. He will tell you he is not cheating on you, but when he sticks up for her again and again, you know there is an intimacy level there that should not be.

About the Author: Discover how you can easily “Bring Back the Love of Your Life” no matter how hopeless your situation appears! The Good News Is It Works For Both Men & Women! More underground relationship and love tips, FREE special reports available HERE.

Posted by Wan | Filed Under Relationship Tips 

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