Are You In The Right Relationship

August 25, 2009 | Leave a Comment

How can you tell if you’re in the right relationship? Have you made a mistake by getting back together with this person, only you can’t see it yet? Sometimes during a break up the only thing you want is the other person. But once you’re back together you question if you’re in the right relationship.

There’s no foolproof way to determine if this person is the right one for you. The only thing you can figure out if you’re in the right relationship at the time. Things can change, but for right now you can look around and see if this is the right place to be.

You have to ask yourself several questions to figure out if this relationship is right for you today. Start with, are you happy? You won’t be skipping and picking flowers every second, of course, but in general you should feel happy to be with that person.

You may have a doubt now and then or a bad feeling, but if your feelings toward the person and the relationship are mostly positive, then you could be in a great relationship. Don’t let the odd doubt or strange feeling make you wonder if you’ve made a mistake.

When you do feel doubt or feel sad, why do you? Is it because you’re wondering about a specific other person and thinking that you might be with them instead? Or are they just general thoughts about the possibilities you might be missing if you weren’t in this relationship?

Everyone thinks things like that from time to time. But if you’re preoccupied by “what ifs” and “if only” thoughts, you might not be in the right relationship after all.

Do you feel safe in the relationship? This applies to feeling physically safe, as in your partner would never hit or abuse you. And it also applies to feeling emotionally safe. You feel that they would not want to hurt you for the world.

Do you feel safe from the threat of a break up? Or do you worry about your partner cheating often? If you spend a lot of your time in the relationship wondering if the other person is capable of cheating, then you might not be with the right person.

If you think the person is cheating, then you’re spending a lot of time being suspicious and questioning his or her motives. That’s no way to spend your days. You need to figure out if your doubts are reasonable.

Would that person actually cheat or do you think those things from your own insecurities? If you really don’t trust the other person, you shouldn’t be in a relationship with them. That will only serve to make you miserable and suspicious, and can end badly for both of you.

Do you feel special? If you feel like you’re constantly fighting for the other person’s attention and affection, you might look for someone else. You should feel like the person most important to them if you’re in the right relationship.

Relationships 101 – How To Save Your Relationship

August 24, 2009 | Leave a Comment

You might think it’s too bad you can’t take a class called relationships 101 in college. They offer math, physics, literature and tons of classes, but a class on relationships is something that could help everyone. Fortunately, you have the skills already to save your relationship and make it better without needed a relationships 101 course.

Most relationships, no matter what happens, can be saved. There are a few relationships that shouldn’t be saved, like those that are abusive or really miserable. But most others have the potential to be fixed. That should be lesson number in any relationships 101 class.

The problem is, people give up too soon. They’re angry, hurt, upset and it just seems easiest to get out of the situation that made them that way. It’s all too easy to focus only on what’s happening now, and not the past.

If the relationship was good at one point, and most were or no one would have stayed in it very long, then it really can be that way again. But people have to look past the anger and the problems that are happening now, and remember those good times. That’s the only way they’ll even want to try to use relationships 101 theory to save the couple.

To cause further problems, often one person is ready to work hard at saving the relationship. But the other person won’t look past the bad to remember the good. That person is ready to chuck it all away. And can only person save a relationship?

Sometimes one person can do it, but it’s not easy. It’s hard to stay positive and hopeful when your boyfriend of girlfriend doesn’t act or feel the same. It can start to feel like you’re fighting a losing battle.

Relationships 101 lesson #2: Keep fighting the battle, because even if the relationship doesn’t heal, it will make you a better person. That’s because the things you’ll do to try to save the relationship are simply good for you, and good for the other person, too.

It’s very important to remember the way you behaved with the relationship was new and going strong. Compare that to how you behave with that person now. And turn things around by acting the way you used to, and doing the things you used to.

Strive to be polite again just as you were in the beginning. Be thoughtful and be a good friend to the person whenever you can, even if you’re not going to get anything out of it. Don’t beg them to come back, tell them they need to come back, or threaten what will happen if they don’t come back.

When faced with someone acting like that, would you want to be with that person again?  Tell yourself that you’ll survive no matter what happens, but do your very best to show them the person they want to be with again. Best the best “you” no matter what is the best relationships 101 lesson there is.

How To Deal With Relationships Depression

August 22, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Relationships depression is pretty common when you’re in a relationship that has recently had problems like a break up or separation. You might feel that it’s crazy to feel this way, because you’ve saved the relationship and are still together. You’re supposed to feel happy, not suffering from relationships depression.

But it’s fairly common because no matter how good the relationships might be going now you recently had a rocky patch. If your biggest fear then was that you would lose the other person, you should be happy, right? You’re still together. So why the relationships depression?

Going through that rough period can be devastating. You feel all sorts of emotions. If cheating was involved, the break up or cooling off period was probably even worse. If you were cheated on, you know there’s nothing more painful that can happen over the course of  a relationship.

And if you were cheating on and you forgave that person to stay in the relationship, it’s going to take some time to fully heal. No wonder you feel depressed! You’re putting yourself out there again after being hurt.

If you cheated and the other person forgave you, maybe you feel depressed because you hurt them and its just now sinking in? Or maybe you feel hounded, as if he or she suspects your every move? You also might be unhappy because maybe you really didn’t want to stay in the relationship and you’re only now becoming aware  of it.

If no cheating was involved, depression can still strike and make you feel bad. For whatever reason, you or your partner weren’t together, or were considering breaking up. That’s a hard pill to swallow!

You’re faced with knowing that maybe the other person was going to decide to live without you. Even though in the end they decided to stay with you, that they were considering something else is a painful thing!

And sometimes relationships depression is brought on by fear. When things were over or almost over, you felt horrible. And you remember that feeling now. You might imagine, without really knowing it, how you would have felt if the relationship had not gotten back together.

The fear of that happening now or what you would be feeling now if it had can make you depressed. That’s a natural reaction.

And overall, a break up is one of the most painful things a person can go through, no matter what the reason. Even if you didn’t officially split, things were tense enough that the possibility was there. When a relationship ends, you go through the same thought processes and emotions as you do with any painful ending, like a death.

So it’s a very difficult life challenge to have a break up or a near break up. It’s great that you’ve worked it out and gotten back together. Just stay strong in the relationship. Make sure that’s where you really want to be, and the relationships depression will pass.

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