Love Relationship Advice

January 11, 2010 | Leave a Comment

For most people, it’s pretty easy to find love.  The challenge often seems to be to be able to make it last.  Keeping your love for each other strong is not impossible.  You just have to understand why it falls apart and make sure you, and your partner, avoid those traps.  That’s where love relationship advice comes in handy.

With the advent of online dating sites there are more ways than ever to meet ‘the one’.  It’s a much better method than cruising the bar scene looking for someone special.  For most couples the first few months is pretty easy.  You are falling in love and you think the other person is perfect.  You can see no wrong in them or what they do.  And maybe there isn’t anything wrong with the way they, or you, act in the early stages of a relationship.

They say that familiarity breeds contempt and if that’s true it would go a long way to explaining why the longer a relationship goes on the more it tends to break down.

Here is a list of some of the things you, and your partner, need to be on the lookout for in your relationship.  These are common traps that many couples fall into without realizing it.  If you know what to watch out for and can avoid these mistakes you will have a much better chance of keeping your relationship strong and healthy for a long time:

1. Unrealistic expectations.  As I said above we think our new love can do no wrong.  As our relationship slowly changes from falling in love to being in love and all the day to day stresses and mundane tasks we must face, it’s easy to lose some of that early ‘glow’.  This can be a pivotal time in many relationships, sometimes the couple will think that they just don’t love each other anymore and break up.

In reality, in any long term relationship, you will spend a much longer time in this ‘normal’ mode than you will in the early ‘glow’ mode.  It’s important to recognize that this is all a normal progression in an adult relationship.

2. Inability to effectively communicate.  Men and women express themselves differently…that’s just the way it is.  The good news is that you can learn to communicate with your partner effectively, if you’re willing to take some time to learn how. The whole ‘it’s a guy thing’ or ‘it’s a girl thing’ is only true to a point, and is largely just a cop out.  In reality any mature, intelligent adult should be able to learn how to talk to their partner, and even more importantly, listen to their partner.  The real question is do you care enough about your partner and the relationship to take the time?

3.  Don’t confuse sex with love.  This may sound obvious but men and women tend to look at sex in different ways.  Women, for example, tend to look at sex as a way to connect with someone they love on a deeper physical level.  Yes, it’s pleasurable, but the pleasure isn’t just physical it’s emotional as well.

Men tend to look at sex as definition of who they are as a man.  For them too, it’s pleasurable but it’s also a way to prove their desirability and masculinity.  Sometimes when a relationship gets to the ‘comfortable’ stage this difference in views about sex can create problems.  If one partner doesn’t seem sexually interested in the other partner it can create severe stress on the relationship.

If your relationship gets to this point, it might help if you and your partner can remember that sex is only one small component of every thing your relationship is made up of.  While for many couples, having an active sex life is an important part of the relationship, it’s important to understand that as you age and your relationship grows, it probably won’t be  quite as important as it once was. That doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t love you or find you attractive, it’s just a fairly common way for long term relationships to go.

I hope this love relationship advice will help you hold on to the love you’ve found.  Being able to make a deep, long lasting, connection with another person really is one of life’s blessings.  Make your connection last by learning how to avoid the pitfalls of some relationships.

Why Men Leave Relationships

December 12, 2009 | Leave a Comment

If you are a women who is struggling to keep your relationship intact and you want to know why men leave relationships, this is the article for you.  As humans, we have the tendency to make things more complicated than they have to be.  This is compounded by some misconceptions that are strongly rooted in our society.

Many people have heard the saying: “Men use love to get sex and women use sex to get love”.  The problem is that doesn’t have to be the way it is.  While there might be some truth to that it just perpetuates a common flaw in our way of thinking: that men want and need sex more than women and that sex is all men need to be happy.

That’s simply not true.  For the most part men and women have similar sex drives but our society, and really throughout history, men have been encouraged to ’sow their wild oats’ and women have been told they have to be ‘good girls’.  So men are used to giving in to their desires and women are used to putting their desires on hold.

No wonder relationships seem like such a challenge! Half the population doesn’t feel like they have any control over their urges and the other half feels like their urges are wrong!

For anyone who wants a stable loving relationship you will need to re-think many of the concepts you were brought up to believe.  The truth is that anyone, men or women, will leave unfulfilled relationships and all but the most shallow people want to be fulfilled in many ways not just sexually.

In order to really have a loving long term relationship you need to have connections: physical, spiritual, and emotional.  These are necessary for the success of any long term relationship.  All people want to feel like they are accepted, understood, desired, and loved by their partners. 

When one or more of these needs aren’t met the relationship will start to fall apart.  For any women who wants to know why men leave relationships so they can prevent it from happening to them, just remember to connect with your man on all of these levels, and both of you will be happy, fulfilled, and committed to the relationship forever.

Why Women Leave Men

December 9, 2009 | Leave a Comment

If you are worried that your wife or girlfriend is about to leave you, or has already left you, you may want an answer to the question, “why women leave men?”  The truth of the matter is that it’s probably not what you think, and there can be several reasons.

In any long term relationship things pile up.  Little frustrations, hurts, insensitive remarks can all add up over a period of time and each little thing is like a brick in a wall.  After a while you will have one very big wall.  That’s the point where one party will throw their hands up and say ‘Enough!” and leave.  The important thing is to make sure your relationship never gets to that point.

One thing you have to do is un-learn much of what you’ve been told about women and what they want.  If you think women are needy, and high maintenance you need to re-evaluate your thinking (of course some women are that way, but not most of them).  While this may sound stupid here is something you should try: stop thinking of your woman as a woman, instead think of her as a person.  Treat her the same way you like people to treat you.

One of the biggest mistakes men make is they either treat their woman like a whore, a surrogate mommy, or they go to the complete opposite side of the spectrum and put her on a pedestal where they treat her like she’s made of porcelain.  The best thing to do is treat her like a human being: a unique individual that has her own mind, needs, and wants. Get to know the real woman, not the person you want her to be, or think she should be. 

Don’t lump all women together.  Don’t assume your wife or girlfriend likes a certain thing or should act a certain way just because some other woman (or your mom) does.  More than likely you have several male friends.  Do you treat each one of them the exact same way, or do you modify your behavior (slightly) for each unique relationship you have?

Women leave men because they are unsatisfied in one way or another.  Each relationship is different but at the end of the day your wife or girlfriend will leave because she is not getting enough of her needs met, it’s as simple as that. 

Most women want their husband or boyfriend to be a friend and confidant.  They want someone who acts like they actually like them.  Many men don’t act like they even like their women and they certainly don’t treat them like a trusted friend.

Women have sexual needs just like men.  Our society has done a huge disservice to men and women because it tells men they have this huge sex drive and that it’s ok to pick up women whenever they want to and that women have to be ‘good girls’ who will only have sex with their husband.

The fact of the matter is that is not true. Women have the same sex drive as men, they are just conditioned to not act on it whenever the whim hits them.  What women don’t want is to think that their man only wants them for sex.  Women will often disconnect from their men physically because even though they like sex they also like non-sexual physical contact and many men think they have to turn every incident of physical contact into a sexual encounter.  After a while your woman won’t even want you to touch her, and she’ll find someone else.

So if you want to avoid having your wife or girlfriend leave and you want to  answer the question: “why women leave men?” just follow some of these simple tips and treat your women like someone who you like and love and your relationship should last a long time.

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