Unhappy Marriages Cost Businesses $6.8 Billion a Year

December 14, 2008 | Leave a Comment

All businesses are concerned with boosting productivity and reducing health care costs and employee turnover. This combination has become even more crucial in today’s competitive economy. Often missed, however, is the significant economic cost businesses actually bear for carrying employees on the payroll who are unhappily married or undergoing divorce.

Whether corporate America notices it or not, employees in failing relationships are costing it about $6.8 billion a year. Employees with relationship woes are frequently absent or sick, present at their desks in body but not spirit, or just too stressed out to do their jobs properly. Stress-related problems cost corporate America $300 billion a year.

What is more, couples who aren’t getting along are more likely to be troubled by domestic violence in an attempt to “solve” their conflict, which costs corporate America 7.9 million in lost work days each year. In addition, employees in such relationships are more prone to substance abuse problems and depression that, in turn, lead to higher health care costs.

As bad as failing marriages are for corporate America, the financial fallout for divorce is no better. A 2006 research study found that the projected cost to a company of an employee making $20 an hour who gets divorced is more than $8,000. In fact, recently divorced employees spend eight percent of their work days away from work because of relationship-related issues. That is the equivalent of being absent from work an entire month!

Even more telling, researchers have found that it can take as many as five years for employee productivity to return to what it was before an employee got divorced.

So far I have examined what happens to employees in troubled relationships who stay on the job. But what happens if the stress of a bad marriage or difficult divorce leads an employee to quit? The financial impact of this situation varies depending on whether the employee occupied a blue collar position or managerial post. A company forced to replace a blue collar worker will spend 150 percent of his total benefit package to do so. Meanwhile, the true cost of replacing a manager is 250 percent of his total benefit package.

As a marriage and family therapist who often consults with large corporations, I am offering these figures not just to illuminate a little-known problem but to suggest a solution. I believe it is imperative that all executives concerned with the welfare of their employees realize that the health of employees’ marriages is directly correlated with the health of their business’s bottom line. Companies can not afford to turn a blind eye to or ignore the marital problems of their employees. Instead they must look for creative ways to help their employees improve their relationships. This will be a win-win situation for everyone – the employees and their spouses who can enjoy the benefits of a strong union, and the employers who stand to gain stable and happier employees who are more able to make a strong contribution to the day to day operations of the companies for which they work. Of course, then employees and their families are spared the high emotional cost of marital turmoil and divorce as well.

About the Author: Beth Erickson is a marriage and family therapist, radio host, book author and developer of “The Best Part of Your Life” program for executives, entrepreneurs and their spouses. Dr. Beth has appeared on NPR and in Cosmo, USA Today and other national media.

Visit http://www.Dr.BethErickson.com to receive email updates from her and take a marriage assessment quiz that lets you know how your marriage stacks up against others. And visit http://www.AskDrBethErickson.com if you want to ask her a question

How To Find A Marriage Therapist: Questions You Should Ask

December 2, 2008 | Leave a Comment

If you have read my ebook, Save The Marriage, you know that I have some major reservations about marital therapy. Studies have shown almost 50% of couples in therapy end up divorced. Only 10 to 20% of couples who go to therapy see any significant help from counseling. This is a major indictment on therapy, and one that has not been addressed!

The problem is not that there aren’t skilled marital therapists. The problem is there are too many therapists offering marital therapy that should not. If you decide to use a therapist to help you heal your relationship, you should be careful. Don’t go in unprepared. Many people spend less time choosing a therapist than choosing someone to fix their roof!

There are some questions I think you should ask of any therapist. If you are wondering why, I have a whole chapter on the problem with therapists in my ebook. So, here, I will focus on the questions you may want to ask:

* “Do you have specialized training in marriage counseling?” You’d be amazed on how many therapists see couples, but have never been trained to do so. The vast majority of therapists are trained in individual therapy models. Many ideas in individual therapy models are destructive in marital therapy.

* “How much of your work is with couples?” Someone who spends a great deal of time with couples is likely to be better at it than someone who sees a few couples each week. Therapists tend to spend their time with the type of clients with whom they are comfortable and successful. However, therapists are also likely to see clients they are less comfortable with, but who help pay the bills (that’s not cynicism, just reality).

* “When working with a couple, do you see us together or separately?” I don’t see this as an absolute, but I think the vast majority of sessions should be with both of the spouses together. Sometimes, it is useful to see one or the other to help get past a block. However, there are a couple of risks of spending too much time with one or the other: First, therapists are humans; like it or not, they will be swayed by the views of whomever they spend the most time. Second, one or the other may perceive a coalition, even if it is not there. And third, if a therapist hears something that one cannot say to the other, then the therapist is in a difficult position: keeping a secret or violating something said in confidence.

* “Who is your client when you are seeing a couple?” Correct answer: the relationship (or some very similar answer). Any other answer indicates that the individual(s) will be the client. This is a problem. The question of who the client is creates the frame for what will be addressed and what will be preserved. So, if the individual is the client, the client’s happiness will be of paramount importance. If the relationship is the client, then success is based on the success of the relationship.

* “How successful are you in helping couples stay together?” They probably won’t have the statistics, but they will give you some information that is helpful. For example, they will begin to tell you their definition of success: helping people divorce with minimal damage (not a good answer), helping each find happiness (not a good answer), I hang in there until we get somewhere in the relationship (a good answer), etc. You want to hear something about success being defined as couples staying together, relationships saved.

* “When do you tell a couple to call it quits?” There shouldn’t be many reasons to call it quits, on the therapist’s part. If they answer “affair” or “when the other wants a divorce,” keep moving. In my opinion, if the couple comes to my office, they are there to save the relationship. Barring abuse in the relationship, I opt to stick it out until the couple decides they will not continue.

As you can tell, you are looking for someone who will be an ally of the marriage. You want someone who is willing to be straight with both of you, and one that will keep pushing you to move toward health. You also want someone who has been down that road with many couples before, and someone who has been trained to walk that path.

Choose carefully. Often, the therapist holds a fragile relationship in the palm of his or her hand. Mistakes can destroy a relationship that may have otherwise survived. A good therapist is an asset. A bad therapist is destructive.

About the Author: Premiere relationship advice! Discover how to move your relationship from stalemate to soulmate with the best-selling ebook, Save The Marriage, available exclusively from http://savemarriagesite.com/go/savethemarriage.html . Find out how to save a marriage, even if only YOU want to!

Saving Your Marriage through Counseling

November 23, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Is your marriage in trouble and you are looking for a counselor? What is counseling going to do for your relationship? Is it going to help save your marriage, or is it going to be another counseling horror story? How do you know when your marriage is at the stage where counseling is required?

Often couples are too slow to recognize they need counseling to help them save their marriage. By the time they realized, it’s already too late. Counseling, when undertaken in time, really does save marriages. Not only that, it can make marriages healthier than before and make the couples happier than they have ever been. But many couples hesitate when it comes to counseling and wait too long. Many feel that it’s like admitting failure. Others are suspicious of psychology or behavioral therapy. Most people have some kind of preconceived notion about counseling, and some are really detrimental to the process as a tool for saving the marriage.

Marriage counseling actually offers couples a chance to talk about the origin of their problems in a safe and moderated environment. It’s an environment that is controlled by a trained councilor who is committed to resolving issues and improving communication. When both partners are committed to this result, counseling can be extraordinarily powerful and bring your marriage back from the brink of disaster.

So, when the best time to get counseling? Surely it is not when divorce seems an immediately viable option. The time to get counseling is when issues begin to come up again and again without resolution, and when communication begins to break down. Counseling really can save marriages, but only with a strong commitment from both partners.  If you recognize that you are at a point in your relationship in which you need to seek counseling, do a little research about psychologists and therapists in your area.

Looking for marriage counseling? Get great marriage-saving tips and advice in Save My Marriage Today Free newsletter series. When you arrive at the site, scroll down for the sign-up form.

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