I Can’t Stop Arguing With My Spouse

Sometime I got irritated when my wife told me how to do things around the house. I was doing the dishes last weekend, and she told me how to do it. I reacted to it and she brought up the past, and argument ensues.

This is not the first time we have arguments over silly thing. Last month we had argument over a misplaced bottle of vitamin. I can’t find the bottle at the usual place and I have to turn the fridge upside-down. I asked my partner where the bottle is. The answer I got was, “You are so disorganize, open your eyes.” A simple answer as to where the bottle is would have save me a lot of time and frustration.

What I want to share here is I am surprised that we still have arguments, on and off, although both us have the technique to deal with “provocation”. So, what is missing here?

Communication, communication, communication. Communication is not about speaking, it’s about being present, about listening. Have you ever wondered why your spouse said you’re not listening to her or him even though you heard what she or he was saying?

What had happened? I misinterpreted her answer as “she was making me wrong”, she misinterpreted my response as “he was invalidating me”. Fortunate for us, we have the “how to” and we were able to sort the “conflicts” quickly. In doing the dishes, my wife’s concern was to get the dishes sparkle clean. The implicit message in my response was, “I know what I’m doing, you don’t have to tell me how to do”.

Do you want to be able to have positive communication with your partner, and save your marriage? Learning how to communicate better is not enough, it just teaches you how to fight better.

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