She Answered My Question with Question

There are no two person can be reasonably expected to agree on everything. There bound to be some differences, it can be in opinions or preferences. It can be considered silly if we are not been able to recognize this as a fact of life. Failure to deal with differences can quickly spell disaster in a relationship especially marriage. Honestly, I made a lot of sins in this area of life.

In the past, I never like the way my spouse answer my question and I always criticized her about it. As far as I can remember, she never fails to answer my question with question. Let me give you a couple of examples to illustrate my points:

Q: Have you prepared the dinner?
A: Don’t you know that I’m tired?

Q: Do you like to follow me to the city?
A: Why didn’t you ask me earlier?

I criticized her for not answering the questions, she lashed back in defense, and chaos ensues. But those were in the past. Not that she has change but I have learnt to accept her the way she is not. She is not the type that answer question with an answer. She is still the same but the way I reacted has changed. This is how I answer her back in a similar situation:

Situation 1

Q: Have you prepared the dinner?
A: Don’t you know that I’m tired?

New Response: OK. I got that you didn’t prepare the dinner. So what do you like me to buy for dinner?

Situation 2

Q: Do you like to follow me to the city?
A: Why didn’t you ask me earlier?

New response: I’m leaving in half an hour. I think you’ll be ready by then.

Last time I wanted to dominate her and she was avoiding being blame. I gave that up and tried to understand her. She had a past that she had not put back into the past. She keeps telling me the story that, when she was a teenager, she had asked her father to send her friend back. He agreed to send the friend back, but on the way back he continuously scolded her for making him like a driver.  At that moment she made a decision, which she didn’t realize, that no one going to blame her again.  This past keep affecting the way she responded to a new situation which she perceived as similar to the past (Situation 1 -blame for being lazy; Situation 2 – blame for being late). I have a past too. When I was a teenager, I asked a lot of questions to my parent and grandparents. But sadly, no one seemed to bother to answer my questions. I think you know what decision I made at that time.

If you like to know, poor communication is the single biggest reason couples break up. Creating an environment of positive and loving communication is the key to life-long and happy marriage. There’s much more to learn. In Save My Marriage Today, Amy Waterman explains much more about effective communication for couples and conflict resolution. Check it out.

Got something to say?





Fix Your Marriage