How to Get Your Spouse to Change

January 24, 2011 | Leave a Comment

In your quest to save your marriage, you may encounter resistance from your spouse. Your spouse may not care about your efforts to improve the situation and you want to fix him/her. You want your spouse to change. You push them, urge them, nudge them, ask them, scream at them, or beg them; however they seem doesn’t want to change.

Do you really want your spouse to change for the sake of your marriage? If you do, STOP pushing, urging, nudging, asking, screaming, or even begging them. The more you do it, the less likely they will change. If your spouse did change because of those efforts, most probably it will last only for a few days. They will return to their old ways. Why? Because they never really decided to change, they were pressured.

“So, what do I need to do?”

Back-off. You need to get out of the way and create space for your spouse to choose to change. [more……]

Is Your Marriage Crushing You Like A Grape?

January 20, 2011 | Leave a Comment

Have you ever been to a winery?

Can you imagine what it would be like to be one of those grapes? Really…play along with me here for a moment.

Can you imagine what it would be like to be plucked, pushed, crushed, pressed, skinned, and fermented? OUCH! The pain! What’s the point of it all?

A lot of people feel that way about the pain they experience in their marriage. “Why am I doing this? Where is this relationship going?”

But just as a grape goes through a difficult process before it becomes a fine wine, sometimes our marriage has to go through a painful process before it matures.

The people who have the best marriages are NOT people who grew up well-adjusted, have healthy adult lives, and normal parents. People like that usually have OKAY marriages.

The BEST marriages are with couples who were crushed, who went through a painful process, and who built their relationship from the ruins of broken hearts.

There’s an ancient song by King David, “Those who sow in tears will reap harvest in glad song.”

And so it is that pain is often the preview to pleasure. Any woman who has experienced child birth can testify to this truth.

In my work doing marriage coaching, I have noticed that very often the turning point in a marriage is when a couple hits rock bottom. It’s not until they’ve been through the worst that things start to get better.

But the turnaround in a marriage is NOT automatic. Just because you hit bottom, does NOT mean you’ll bounce back. If you don’t make it happen, you’ll just crash. In order to turn your marriage around, you have to take RESPONSIBILITY.

What does it REALLY mean to be responsible? A person who is responsible has the ABILITY to RESPOND. In other words, if you take response-ability for your marriage, then your marriage is not determined solely by what happens; it’s also determined by how you RESPOND to what happens.

A responsible person is not a victim to their circumstances. They are the master of their fate. How you respond to your marital circumstances today WILL determine your marital circumstances tomorrow. YOUR actions create your marriage. You can turn sour grapes into a fine wine.

If you know how to do this, then do it now. If you need help, then USE ME. I can help you. Years ago my marriage was hours from “done.” I turned it around and I can show you how too. I’ve helped thousands of marriages. Have you seen the miracle stories on my web site?

Making a relationship work is not mystical. Love is NOT a mystery. You don’t have to be “lucky in love.” You can “make love.” You just have to know the recipe.

If you want to learn more about how I can help you, subscribe to my FREE report, “7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage” and get my FREE marriage assessment. CLICK HERE to subscribe. It’s FREE.

AUTHOR: Mort Fertel, Marriage Coach and Author of Marriage Fitness.