Do A Marriage Quiz Today – Have Fun

May 22, 2010 | Leave a Comment

If you want some light entertainment one evening why not do a marriage quiz together? These tests are designed to be a bit of fun but sometimes they can be used for other purposes.  Some people will use them to sort out the problems in their relationship which is rather unrealistic unless both of you have taken a truth drug.  For example, if you are both in a loving mood then you will score highly on these tests as you will both be open to the suggestions that your partner is wonderful. However if he is less than Romeo in your eyes or she resembles your mother in law more than the wife you married, you can get all the wrong results.  For example, they can be used to check compatibility, although one could argue that it is a bit late checking that when you are already married!

So you have been warned, what can start as a game can quickly turn into an argument if you have underlying issues already.  So if you two have been fighting a lot lately perhaps this is not the type of fun you should engage in.  But that being said, they can be a useful way to open up a discussion particularly if you find it difficult to talk about your problems. You may find that the quiz opens up some doors to better communication between you.  If you want to start talking about a difficult topic you might want to introduce a quiz as an idea for an activity that both of you can do together when the kids have gone to bed.  Just be careful as these things can spiral out of control very quickly if either partner takes offence easily.

Where can you find these marriage quizzes?  They regularly appear in magazines and are also available online.   But if you are having problems in your relationship this is the not the way to resolve them. You need to get some help whether you try a relationship counseling service or some self help books and courses.  If you are not sure where to start you could try The Magic Of Making Up which helps to develop proper communication between spouses and partners.  Sometimes it can seem like men and women are from two different planets. They often want the same things but are not sure how to put this into words.

Every couple have days where they argue constantly and appear to have lost all love for one another.   It is only when these days outnumber the good ones that you need to be concerned.  A marriage quiz is meant as a bit of fun and we all need some fun and light entertainment in our lives particularly if we are going through stressful times.  One of the best ways of keeping your relationship alive is to laugh together.  Try renting an old funny movie or doing a quiz.  Whatever works for you.

Marriage Seminars – Are They Worth It?

May 19, 2010 | Leave a Comment

Marriage seminars are becoming very popular with a variety of people and you may have thought about attending one yourself.  In certain parts of the world you cannot have a church wedding without first attending a marriage seminar.  The idea is that by going to one of these courses, the couple get a chance to explore the various issues that they may face during married life.  The person leading the seminar will show them how to explore their different responses and how best to communicate with each other.

Do these courses work?  That is actually hard to quantify as it is difficult to measure the success rate. If a couple attends a relationship seminar and decides not to get married you don’t keep any statistics on them.  If after attending the seminar they go ahead and get married and perhaps divorce in five years time, the statistics are already skewed.  Some couples do benefit but some just attend as it is mandatory and they won’t be allowed have their big day in the Church without having a certificate to prove they were there.

The other form of marriage seminar is the one organized for those that are already married.  These seminars run all over the country. There are a variety available.  For example, you can attend a Christian seminar or one designed for another religion. Some seminars have no religious bias at all. The idea is to give couples an open platform in a neutral setting to discuss issues that may be preventing them from connecting properly.  Do these types of courses work?  Well yes for some people but it really depends on what type of couple you are and what your problems are. If you are very private and don’t like discussing issues in front of other people you are unlikely to find that this type of event will help you.

You would probably benefit from one to one marriage counseling instead. What can work for everyone is some education into how relationships work and how to fix those that are not working properly.  A great book for anyone to read and implement is the Magic of Making Up.  As the title suggests it is aimed at those who are having problems and want to resolve them.  If you have a read of the testimonials you will see how many people credit it with giving them back their happy relationships.  Even if you haven’t reached the point of breakup you can benefit from reading and applying the knowledge that you learn from books like these.

We can all benefit from better communication skills.  It is just a pity that it takes a crisis or thoughts of a marriage seminar for us to realize that we need help and soon.  Don’t take your relationship for granted. It needs care and attention in order to flourish.  But when it does you will be so much happier.

The Glue That Will Hold You Together

May 16, 2010 | Leave a Comment

If you want a happy marriage, search for the glue that will bind you together.  That is advice given through the generations and like a lot of comments from older people, it is worth listening to.

Every relationship is different, as unique as the two people involved in it. Your mutual attraction, shared memories and lifestyle will help to keep you together and prevent you becoming yet another statistic.  But you cannot afford to just sit back and assume that you will always be happy.  Happy marriages take work. Couples need to realize that they must spend time on their relationship as well as time apart in order to stand the best chance of staying together.

People often make the mistake of putting their kids first all the time.  While your children are important, the relationship between you their parents is equally so. What better example can you set your children than to have them growing up in a home where everyone is valued and their contribution to family life is appreciated.  You want your kids to grow up knowing how to treat other people properly. They learn from example so be sure that the example you are giving them is the one you want them to follow.

In a happy relationship both parties know that the other person will always be there for them.  This doesn’t mean that they will always take their side in an argument but that they will not be abusive or disparaging or disrespectful.   You need to develop good listening skills – God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. You need to learn to really listen to your partner and try to appreciate what they are saying to you.  Poor communication does not result in you celebrating forty or fifty years of married bliss.

Spend time together – this seems like an obvious one but if you look back over the last month how much time have you two actually spent alone together.  Staring at the TV screen every evening doesn’t count.  If you have to put a time in the diary but make sure that you spend at least one evening every two weeks together enjoying quality time.

If your intimate relationship needs some work, don’t ignore it.  Mutual attraction and lust played a huge part in you getting together in the first place. It is completely natural for the overwhelming urge to jump on each other to wear off but you should still find each other attractive.  The good news is that the more you make love, the more your body will want it. Making love releases feel good chemicals and thus your body craves these good feelings.  Even if you have to make a huge effort to get into the mood try and soon you may just find that it doesn’t take that much effort anymore!

Finding the right partner to spend the rest of your life with is difficult but it is easy compared to keeping your marriage on the right track. Don’t put your head in the sand.  Read books like The Magic of Making Up and apply some of their teachings.  You want a happy marriage?  Search and apply the techniques that work for other people and you can be as happy as you wish.

I Miss My Ex

May 15, 2010 | Leave a Comment

How often do you hear people saying I miss my ex?  Probably a lot and the sad thing is that most relationships that finish shouldn’t.  They end because of poor communication which can be easily improved if only you know how.  Very few couples break up because of infidelity. In fact, being able to talk properly to each other would often make the reasons behind the infidelity disappear.

So why do we find it so difficult to communicate?  There are a number of reasons but the main one is that our brains are wired differently. Our brains process information in various ways and generally speaking in women there are certain parts of the brain namely the language center that is more developed than in a mans.  That doesn’t mean that women are superior to men only that they are different.  A woman tends to be more emotional whereas a man is more logical.  So when discussing a problem, it can seem as if they are speaking different languages.

Other things get in the way as well such as pride and fear. When you have too much pride, you don’t want to be seen as the weaker partner.  Funnily enough the very things that you think are weak such as the ability to admit when you are wrong or that you miss your partner are actually a sign of strength of character.  It is knowing what we want out of life and grabbing it with both hands that makes us happy not whether we were the ones to apologize last in an argument.

Fear is another big factor in the breakdown of partnerships.  Most of us have an underlying fear of rejection. This may be caused by past experiences or a lack of self esteem or both.  So instead of telling our partner that we love them and want to stay with them forever, we walk away for fear they don’t feel the same way. The sad truth is that they probably do love you too but are also afraid of laying their emotions on the line for fear that they will get trampled.

It is very sad to see couples that are great together break up. It is especially so when they have been together a long time so have invested lots of emotional hours into the relationship.  Often the break up is caused by life factors such as stress at work or worries over kids or finances.  Other times one partner may feel jealous of the relationship between their partner and one of their own kids.  Children can play a huge part in splitting up their parents not by choice but because children aged 5 -7 often become jealous of their parents. For example a boy may feel that his Dad is more important to his mum that he is so he will stir up trouble between them.  Or a girl may feel jealous of her Dad’s affection for her mum. This is completely natural and a phase in childhood that most kids grow out of.  But while it is happening, it can prove very stressful to all concerned.

So the next time you hear someone say I miss my ex, tell them to contact their old partner and see if they can get together for a chat and just maybe they will get back together again.

Is My Marriage In Trouble?

May 6, 2010 | Leave a Comment

If you are asking yourself the question is my marriage in trouble then it could appear that the answer is yes but this doesn’t mean that it is. It might not be in grave danger of heading to the divorce courts but you are obviously not happy in the relationship if you are thinking this way. This maybe because there are issues between yourself and your partner or it may just be your perception of how things are. You could be feeling unfulfilled and lonely.

Whatever the reason for your feelings you need to get to the bottom of them or your marriage will be affected. It is not possible to have a happy relationship when one or both partners are feeling isolated, unloved or confused. It is not your partner’s responsibility to solve your problems, emotional or otherwise for you, but it does help when they are supportive and understanding.

You may be feeling down because your diet is lacking in certain vitamins and minerals. For example, women of childbearing age need plenty of Vitamin B in their diets as otherwise their hormones can cause them problems. They can suffer from restless sleeping as well as mood swings and depression. Often you don’t get sufficient vitamin B from natural resources so you may need a course of vitamin tablets to get you back on an even keel. Speak to your doctor if you are finding it difficult to sleep, are tired all the time or having difficulty shedding excess weight. You may have an underlying medical condition such as a thyroid problem and so need medical treatment. Men can be affected too.

Your worries may highlight a problem in your relationship. Have you tried talking to your partner about your feelings? It is not the easiest thing to do but once you take the first step you may find that you start to feel better. Communication is not a skill we learn in school or college. It is one of those things that people just assume we learn as we are growing up. Some people are natural communicators but most of us struggle to put our feelings into words particularly when talking to the person who means more to us than anyone else.

In the book The Magic Of Making Up, the writer discusses the problems that communication issues between couples cause. Most marriages end due to bad communication rather than an affair or abuse. And the really sad bit is that a significant number of break ups could have been avoided if one or both partners asked for help.

So don’t sit and wallow in your feelings. Talk to your partner today. Find some quiet time together and tell them how you are feeling and ask them how they feel about things and take it from there. You may find a little bit of good communication and some time together will help to resolve your worries and you will no longer be asking is my marriage in trouble.

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