Healing From A Broken Relationship

January 18, 2010 | Leave a Comment

Healing from a broken relationship is a tough thing to do, but the good news is, it can be done. You just need to understand the process and allow yourself the time that you need.

One of the first things to remember is there is no time limit.  It will take you as much time as it takes you, period. There is no set rule on how long it should take you, though you still should be making some forward progress after a few months.  You may be a long way from being back to normal, but you should be starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel.

One word of caution, though:  if you don’t seem to be making any progress at all, you may want to hire a therapist to help you through the worst of it.  Sometimes having an objective third party who can offer unbiased advice is a good way to help us jumpstart our recovery.  It may even help speed the process along a little, and who wouldn’t want that?

Another thing you can do to help speed things along is find yourself.  This may sound like strange advice but in most relationships you will lose a little of yourself.  This seems to be particularly common with women.  It’s easy to become a ‘we’ and lose a little ‘me’.  And a little of that isn’t a bad thing, but once the relationship has ended it’s time to get your ‘me’ back.

This process will help you heal and grow.  It will remind you that there was a time when you were happy without your ex.  This ‘reawakening’ can be a very exciting time and it can help dull at least some of the pain you’re feeling since the breakup.  If nothing else, it will give you something to occupy your mind with.

Spending time with family and friends will help you enormously too.  Surrounding yourself with people who love you will help you stay strong.  When in the midst of a bad breakup it’s easy to forget that you will be happy again.  It can be hard to see past that black hole, but if you’re with your family and friends they will help you feel the love that you are missing from your ex.

While this isn’t the time to wallow, it might not be a bad idea to remind yourself of the things in the relationship that made you unhappy, or mad, or both.  You don’t want to dwell on the relationship too much at this point but reminding yourself of the bad times might help you gain a little clarity and move the healing process along a little bit.

No matter how you choose to go about it, just remember that healing from a broken relationship is possible.  You will get through it and you will find love and happiness again.  If you learn from your past relationship you can take that knowledge with you into your next relationship which will help make that relationship even better.  Just hang in there.

Long Distance Relationship Advice

January 17, 2010 | Leave a Comment

Maintaining a healthy long distance relationship can be a challenge.  It takes two mature people who are able to communicate in order to make it work.

I’ll outline some of the things that you can do to make your relationship not only survive, but thrive.  I’ve also compiled a few of the most common problems couples face and how to avoid falling into the same traps in your relationship.

One of the first things you and your partner need to do to ensure the continued strength of your relationship is to make sure you are both on the same page.  Make sure you agree on whether or not you have an exclusive relationship. If one partner thinks it’s ok to date while you are apart and the other one is staying monogamous, the relationship is doomed from the start.

For the most part, a couple won’t even contemplate a monogamous long distance relationship unless both parties feel the relationship has the potential to be  a long term one.  There is no sense making this type of commitment unless you both feel that the other person might be ‘the one’.

Another thing you and your partner need to do is make sure you have good communication skills.  When you are far away from each other for extended periods of time, and you can’t have physical contact, you will have to rely solely on your communication skills to continue to build your relationship.

That is why long distance relationships, when they last, are some of the best relationships around.  The couple has to learn to communicate effectively to make it work, and they don’t get distracted by all the physical attraction. They are able to connect on a deeper level which can often lead to a more fulfilling relationship.

If you are an insecure person, though most people won’t admit it if they are, you should avoid getting involved in a long distance relationship.  Being in this type of relationship requires a great amount of trust, typically people who are insecure see a threat everywhere, even where there isn’t one.

If you and your partner are overly suspicious, not only will your relationship be a constant battle, it will also be unlikely to work.  No good relationship can be based on suspicion and insecurities.

You and your partner also need to be careful of the temptation to have a ‘fling’ with someone while away from your partner.  Unless you both agree in advance that some extracurricular activity is ok (and if that’s the case why bother pursuing a long distance relationship in the first place) than you should stay faithful to your partner.

If you want to maintain your long distance relationship you have to know ahead of time that it will be a challenge and you and your partner both have to be committed to making it work, but if you follow my  long distance relationship advice you and your partner have a real shot of having a great, long term loving relationship.

Advice On Love To Save Your Relationship

January 15, 2010 | Leave a Comment

Today we are faced with so many things coming at us from so many directions. With all these stresses in life it’s tough to keep our relationships strong, and if you want to save your relationship, just finding the time to work on it can be a challenge. This article will give you advice on love to save your relationship, it’s aimed at all the overly stressed busy people who still want to make their relationships work.

Here are 3 things you can start doing today to keep your relationship strong, or pull it back from the brink. It’s not so much about how much time you spend together, it’s more about the quality of time that the two of you spend together.  Keep that in mind when going over the list:

• Figure out what activities that the two of you like to do as a couple. It doesn’t matter if it’s round of golf or a trip to the local movie theater. As long as you can share an experience that is enjoyable, for both of you. When it’s your time, make arrangements for the kids to spend the night at grandma’s, turn off the cell phones and Blackberries, take the phone off the hook, and turn off the t.v. This is about connecting with each other, not just co-existing in the same place at the same time.This is so important for two reasons.  One, it will allow you time to relax and unwind from the stresses of life.  That will help each of you individually and also will allow both of you to bring more to the relationship since you’ll be more relaxed and at ease.  And two, it gives the two of you precious memories that you can relive from time to time with each other.  It’s fun to have shared experiences where you can say ‘remember when we did…’?  That creates a deeper bond between the two of you..
• So many couples only talk about mundane daily things like asking your spouse if they had a good day,  or if they picked up milk on the way home.  Try to make time each week to really talk.  Don’t turn it into a complaining time, just talk.  Tell your partner about your dreams, relive some fun past times, etc.  Make it a positive time.  Really be willing to talk, and listen, and let each other into your minds a little bit.
• Try to always remind yourself what it was that first attracted you to your partner.  Was it their laugh, their offbeat sense of humor, their goofy expressions? Whatever it was don’t let yourself forget that.  And while you’re reminding yourself, make sure to let them know too.  If you fell in love with their laugh, tell them, often, that you love the way they laugh.  So much of that positive reinforcement seems to go out the window the longer the relationship goes on.  And that’s a shame.  Everyone wants to feel loved and appreciated, don’t ever let your partner feel like you don’t find that thing you fell in love with attractive anymore.

A loving relationship is one of the best things you can do for yourself.  Many people will tell you that relationships are ‘hard’ and that they ‘take a lot of work’.  I don’t agree.  I believe that if you are with the right person, if you’re both mature adults who really want to make the relationship work, and if you know what to look out for, your relationship can be very easy.  Just use this advice on love to save your relationship as a starting point.

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