How to Save Your Marriage

April 18, 2009 | Leave a Comment

If you are having trouble with your marriage, don’t worry too much because you are not alone. Many people have no idea what to do to save their marriage. But you? You are here, searching for the answer on how to save your marriage. Some people believe that they have no choice but to allow their marriage to fall apart. Divorce may not necessarily be the solution to your unhappiness. You can’t solve a problem by creating another problem. In life, people always have choices.

Consider these:

1. Studies suggested that divorced individuals don’t end up happier. You can chose to divorce and end up miserable five years later OR stay married and will be “very happy” after five years.

2. Divorce do has impact on children. How they react to their divorcing parents depends on their age. Choose between your children whole life misery and your five years misery.

3. The divorce rate of remarriages is higher than the first marriages. So you can choose to work on your current marriage or remarry.

Is your situation hopeless? No. There is a way, but only if you chose to save your marriage.

Amy Waterman and her team are committted to help you save your marriage even if only you are willing to work on it. Visit http://www.savemarriagesite.com/go/savemarriage.html to find out how.

Posted by Wan | Filed Under Save Marriage Tips 

The Meaning of Love

April 15, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Love seems to appear differently to different people at different time. Below are some of what you may already heard about love.

“Love is blind.”

“The pleasure of love lasts but a moment, the pain of love lasts a life time.” – French proverb.

“Love start with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.” – Dana Loeffel.

Do you still remember the time when you fell in love with your partner or spouse for the first time? How did love appear to you then? Is it something like this?

“A man in love sees a pimple as a dimple.” – Japanese proverb.

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” – Erich Segal

“Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all.” – Isaac Watts.

“Love will keep us alive.” – The Scorpions.

The quotations above were true for me. Life was full of rainbows when my girlfriend and I were dating more than 20 years ago. But everything changed after a few years of getting married. Thus I tend to agree with the following quotation:

“Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener.” – Pauline Thomason.

I asked myself why she was not as perfect as when we were dating. Why she changed? After doing a self-inquiry I realized that I have expectation that she need to fulfills. I expected her to behave in certain way. I expected her to communicate with me in certain way. When the expectation was not fulfilled, I felt love is war.

“On the day you crossed the line, I found out love is war.” – The Scorpions.

When we were dating, we live to the expectation of our partner in order to win her or his hand in marriage. When we get what we wanted, we will be our authentic self. Then life is hell for our spouse and vice versa. There is a saying about marriage:

“Marriage requires four types of “rings”: 1) The Engagement Ring; 2) The Wedding Ring; 3) The Suffe-Ring; 4) The Endu-Ring.”

Now I realized that I have a choice, to be happy or suffer by making my wife wrong for not living to my expectation. I chose to be happy and accepted my wife the way she is and the way she is not. Our life now is full of joy and laughter, just like when we were dating.

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” – Sam Keen.

“Love is nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it’s what you are expected to give – which is everything.”

“Love is accepting someone the way he/she is and the way he/she is not.”

Posted by Wan | Filed Under Successful Marriage Tips 

Saving Your Marriage On Your Own

April 8, 2009 | Leave a Comment

One of the most frustrating aspects of saving marriages is when one partner refuses to participate in the process. Communication, cooperation, and respect for each other disappear as each person retreats into themselves and act as individuals. Your husband or wife no longer participating in the relationship. He or she will not do anything that may be seen as exposing vulnerability or taking responsibility for their part in the marriage crisis. Your spouse refused to talk about what he or she felt the issues were, refused counseling, says he or she is not in love, and that he or she does not want to try to save the marriage. It’s heartbreaking, but there are things that you can do if you are in the same situation.

Do you like to receive emails like the one posted below, to help you saving your marriage? If your answer is yes, visit Save My Marriage Today and grab the offer (Super Bonus No. 6) before it is taken out.

Hi,

Thanks for your email.

Your husband has indicated quite clearly that he is not willing to participate in the marriage or in counseling, and that he is not prepared to discuss with you his reasons for ending the marriage. That’s because he doesn’t know himself what the issues are!

You need to accept the fact that your husband is not at a level where he is able to communicate, and leave it at that. I understand that you have tried to encourage him to go to counseling, and that at every step along the way he has opposed you vigorously, however, that doesn’t have to stop you from participating in counseling and getting some meaning out of all of this. If he chooses to be angry and not learn anything from this process, that’s his choice. He will take that baggage and it will carry through into his next relationship.

You are being called into an opportunity for growth. Your husband is not participating, so you need to do this alone. Go to counseling. Get meaning. Gain understanding. Forgive yourself, both for your part in this process as well as the things you cannot change.

You don’t have to file the divorce papers. If he wants to end the relationship, he can be the one that does it. He wants the relationship to end but he doesn’t want to be the one responsible for actually ending it. That’s childish. If he is the one that is motivated to give up on the relationship, he can be the one that finalizes it and deals with the emotional consequences.

I want you to focus on your love for your husband, even at a time when he is pushing you away and is unable to reciprocate. This is what we call unconditional love. Unconditional love is realizing that even when he doesn’t want to be with you, you still love him. Your love for him is going to be what helps you make the effort for your children’s sake, and it is going to give you peace of mind, and it is going to absolve you of the guilt associated with his actions. Your husband is set on torturing himself and others. Don’t allow yourself to be affected by his behavior and be drawn into it too much. That’s where counseling comes in, which can offer you a grounding perspective as well as ways of channelling the stress..

You aren’t in fantasy land. This isn’t false hope. This is about you not letting him be the one that ruins you. He can end the relationship but how you let him affect you is YOUR choice.

You cannot choose the people you love, and despite everything that this man does to you, you still love him. That shows a strength of character that is a credit to you. Be proud of loving him, even when he can’t allow himself to love you.

Stay strong. Identify what you can learn from this and what ways you are being called to grow. You will look back on this time and see it as a defining moment in your life. Make sure it is for the right reasons.

Andrew Rusbatch
Co-author of Save My Marriage Today

Like the email? Check out the Super Bonus Offer at:

http://www.savemarriagesite.com/go/savemarriage.html

Posted by Wan | Filed Under Save Marriage Guides 

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