Get Your Partner To Agree To Relationship Counseling

March 23, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Relationship counseling is often a last resort for couples on the brink of the divorce.  But some couples try counseling early on when the first problems rear their heads. Counseling is certainly something that a couple shouldn’t be afraid to try, even if the problems are relatively minor.  Often, catching small problems early with counseling can prevent bigger problems down the road.  Early counseling can even something prevent a future divorce.

Today’s couples seem more eager to try to new things, which makes counseling a good option.  Couples married years ago seem less likely to go for counseling or try new approaches, perhaps because it wasn’t something commonly done when they were younger. Very often marriages of 30 or 40 years now end in divorce, which is a shame because they’ll never know if relationship counseling could have helped save the marriage.

If you feel like you need relationship counseling, be sure to as your partner to go to counseling with you in a non-judgmental way.  If you ask him or her to go to counseling in such a way as it seems like you are accusing them of being the problem and needing counseling, you’re likely to encounter resistance to the idea.  Try to make it clear that you want the counseling for yourself if nothing else.

If you ask your partner to go to counseling because you have some issues you need to work on, they’re more likely to view the idea favorably.  Explain that you think you need some help to be able to contribute more to the relationship, and to learn how to be a better partner or spouse.  Don’t accuse the other person of need counseling.  Even if you believe that they are most of the problem, don’t say so.  Once you’re in relationship counseling, they will learn tips and techniques for being better within the relationship, just as you will.

Don’t be afraid to suggest relationship counseling, whether you’ve been in the relationship for 3 months, 3 years or two decades.  It’s never too late to try counseling to resolve problems.  And it’s never too late to try to keep small problems from becoming big ones. If the relationship is relatively new, you might think that you’re admitting to problems and admitting that the relationship is rocky by suggesting counseling.  But that’s not true.  But facing any obstacles now, you’re making the relationship stronger in the long run.

If your partner believes that your suggestion of relationship counseling means that the relationship isn’t perfect, and maybe even is doomed, calmly explain that that isn’t true.  Just because you’re willing to admit that everything is perfect shows that you’re willing to make necessary changes to keep the other person and yourself happy.

If your partner refuses, go on your own.  While the counseling would work best if both of you go, you can go and work on things to improve yourself. If your partner sees you going to relationship counseling, they’re more likely to give it a try.

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I Want to Make My Marriage Work

March 10, 2009 | Leave a Comment

HOW DO YOU GET OVER YOUR PAST AND PAST YOUR MARRIAGE PROBLEMS?

“I want to make my marriage work, but I can’t get over the past.”

Does this sound familiar to you? You might have heard it from your friend, or you yourself might have said it. Getting over the past seems quite impossible for many of us. We can’t forget what has happened in the past, things that hurt us. We are carrying this emotional baggage with us everyday. When similar incident happens again, we add it to the baggage that we are carrying. This baggage is getting heavier and heavier each day. Many of us can’t get rid of this baggage and live a miserable life. If you are in this situation, don’t worry too much. There is hope.

It’s not what happened that make you hurt, angry, etc. It is the meaning you put to what has happened that made you feel that way. For example; your partner forgets your birthday. What comes to your mind?

“I’m not important anymore?”
“He/she doesn’t love me anymore?”
So on and so forth.

It is not that he/she forgot that hurt you. It is the meaning you put to what happened. He/she just forgot, period. You can’t change what has happened, but you can change the meaning you put to what has happened. This is the key to get over the past and move on to live a happy life.

CLICK HERE to read more about the topic.

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