Getting Along With In-Laws

January 20, 2009 | Leave a Comment

The need to get along with the ever popular “In-laws” is considered by many as one of the biggest problems during married life. However, understand that this shouldn’t be a problem at all. It is actually an inevitable and natural part of married life.

However, it can become a problem when your in-laws are the types that often cross the line.  Sometimes it’s just human nature that you can’t get along with someone. Nevertheless, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t try settling your differences.

For your marriage to work out, you should take some steps and establish boundaries if you’re having in-law problems. Here are some of the essentials on how you can do just that.

Learn To Become Assertive

Sometimes in-laws seem to have their own ideas. This may be irritating at times. However, you should never forget to pay them respect. Hence, it would be better to listen to them. There are also times where it would do you good to heed their opinions. However, there are also instances where doing so may not be a good move. So what exactly should you do if you do not agree with them?

To start off, be discreet on matters that involve weighty decisions. Also, try to be open and sincerely honest with your feelings. As much as possible, don’t try to simply please them only to regret that decision later. As much as possible, do what it is that you think would be best. If ever it turns out that the decision you made was wrong, try to admit your mistake then move on with some dignity.

Learn To Get Some Privacy

Most likely, especially when newly married, you may inadvertently involve your in-laws in your family affairs. You can actually do so by sharing information about private matters. Another way would be by telling them how you are not getting along with your spouse. If this is the case, there’s no wonder why they are volunteering advice. If you really don’t want something coming back and biting you on the tail later, then don’t involve your in-laws in family affairs that are considered to be private.

Give Them Respect

There are some in-laws who simply can’t help giving unsolicited advice. In fact, there are times where they might even tell you how you should cook, what you should wear, how you should discipline your kids, how you should budget your finances, and so on. This may sometimes feel quite irritating, since it seems like they’re treating you as if you’re a kid who doesn’t know any better. However, it is still important that you keep in mind that they are older than you. Nonetheless, it also doesn’t mean they’re wiser. So, if you can, try to give them respect at all times. If they’re showering you with advice, then go on and take what you think would benefit you and the rest.

Learn To Detach With Love

Sadly, there are in-laws that are simply troublesome. It seems like you will never be able to get along with each other. Other than being assertive, being able to detach is sometimes necessary for your own good. Instances like having in-laws who have emotional or addiction problems are a good example of situations where you are best to detach and not become involved.

However, you should always try your best to detach with love. So how exactly do you do this? This is done by not allowing their personal problems to become your problems too. It is possible for you to detach without having to be rude or disrespectful. Try to be more supportive and loving every time, but do not allow their pain or abuse make your own attitude negative.

Talk To Your Spouse

One important thing that you shouldn’t miss when dealing with your in-laws is talking to your spouse. Keep in mind that they are still the parents of your partner. Thus, it would be better to tell your spouse first what you think about the situation and let him/her state what he/she thinks about it. Give each other some time to state your sides and then talk things out on how both of you want to settle it.

Posted by Wan | Filed Under Successful Marriage Tips 

Creating Happiness in Married Life

January 17, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Being happy is one important factor for you to survive the relationship and have a successful marriage. Happiness is like the key to make sure that your marriage will work out no matter what. However, many couples find themselves unhappy with their partner even while they’re still in the early stages of their marriage.

Being unhappy during your first few weeks or months of marriage can be dangerous. This unhappiness could develop into something worse.  To avoid a sad ending to your married life, you should learn little ways about how you can create happiness in your marriage. As a guide, here are some essentials that you need to know.

Make Your Spouse Happy

The thing with marriage is that are two of you who should be working on the relationship. Thus, you shouldn’t only think about your own happiness, but also your spouse’s happiness. In fact, you should prioritize making him or her happy in the relationship. At the same time, he or she should prioritize your happiness. It’s basically give and take.

Communication Leads to Happiness

One thing that your married life should never lose is communication. This is a very important aspect in keeping your relationship healthy and happy. Always remember to talk things out in a calm and rational manner. Tell each other your deepest thoughts. Learn to express your feelings. Your partner has the right to know what you’re thinking and at the same time he/she does have the right to know what is on your mind as well.

Surprise!

Always keep in mind that no one’s ever too old for surprises. Getting married doesn’t mean you stop doing funny or silly things to impress each other. So, whether you’re in your 20’s or even 50’s, there’s no harm in surprising your spouse once in a while. Doing this definitely gives both of you some endorphin rush and get you fuelled up for more happy days to come.

It doesn’t really matter whether your surprise is something big or small. It’s always the thought that counts!

Quality Time Equals Happy Time

Although married life means a lot of responsibilities, especially in the financial department; this doesn’t mean that you have to drown each other with work. Always keep in mind that you should spend some quality time with each other. If you have kids, make some quality time with the whole family. However, you should also have some time in store alone for just the two of you.

Use this time to talk and catch up with what’s going on with each of your lives. Use this time to say “I love you”, which is something many couples forget to say once marriage becomes “habit”.

Do Something Exciting

Is anyone up for some bungee jumping? How about sky diving? Would you want to go hiking? How about a romantic weekend getaway? Married life would definitely be a happy life if you lead an exciting lifestyle. As mentioned, you shouldn’t get all hyped up with work. Do something exciting for the both of you once in a while. A little adrenaline rush won’t hurt.

Have these kinds activities planned out.  By doing this you and your spouse have something to look forward to.  Anticipation is the key.  As excitement builds up, the happier the two of you will be.

Small Things Matter Too!

Sometimes things get taken for granted in the relationship especially once you are married. Always remember that even the smallest gestures matter! Even something as insignificant as leaving a note for your partner to remind him or her to take his/her medicine means something. Try leaving voice messages on his/her cell phone just to say “I love you” or “I miss you” really brightens up the day!

Posted by Wan | Filed Under Successful Marriage Tips 

Married Life, It’s a New World

January 15, 2009 | Leave a Comment

For some marriage can be the most wonderful thing that happened to them. There are people who even say that it’s like a fairy tale come true, coupled with the ever famous “And they lived happily ever after” line. However, what most people do not understand is that getting married means changes. “A lot” of changes!

Yes, finding the man or woman of your dreams is definitely a big milestone in your life. However, things will be much different from how everything was when you were still in the dating stage.

You should keep in mind that you’re not just sweethearts anymore; and that getting married is something that will greatly affect your life one way or another.  You’ve got to be prepared for some lifestyle changes!

With that being said, here are some of the most common lifestyle changes that marriage brings about.

Buy One Take One

First and foremost, you should remember that you’re not single anymore! There are two of you, anytime, all the time. Just think of marriage as super glue, which binds you to your partner. There are now two of you to consider every time either of you have a decision on whatever aspect of each of your individual lives.

In regard to “whatever aspect”, this means every tiny bit of detail. Once you get married, keep in mind that all your decisions and actions also affect your spouse. It’s a mutually inclusive situation.

No More Flirting

This is just common sense. If you want to maintain a healthy relationship with your partner loyalty is something you practice at all times under any circumstance.

Two Peas in a Pod

Aside from the sexual aspect, for people who have slept alone in bed since childhood, marriage brings a different dynamic to your life.  Suddenly, you have someone sharing your bed every day. You should start getting used to the fact that you’ll be seeing someone else sleeping on the other side of the bed with you every time you wake up. So, if you’re not used to this kind of set-up, then it would probably be best if you buy a bigger bed. This would lessen your feeling of being cramped when you sleep.

Your New Roommate

Other than sharing the bed, you also have to share rooms. When you get married, there’s a small chance that you’d get to have your room decorated with all the Barbie pink (for girls) or checker race car flags (for boys) that you want. Although it is your room, you’d definitely have to consider your partner’s taste. In fact, this doesn’t only apply to your room, but throughout your home.

Know Your Priorities

Getting married also means you should be able to establish your priorities. In married life, there are such things that you call “family affairs”. Thus, you have to make sure that you spend quality time with your family. These family occasions are very important too, just like your next business meeting. Be sure that you are able to make some time for family, no matter how small or large the event.

Posted by Wan | Filed Under Successful Marriage Tips 

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