How to Argue With Your Spouse

January 31, 2009 | 1 Comment

Have you ever had an argument with your spouse? I beg you have. In fact, no one is free from having arguments, especially with spouses. Each person is an individual, thus, no two people can reasonably be expected to agree on everything. Perhaps you and your spouse did not fully acknowledge your differences in the early stages of your relationship; or perhaps you felt that time and love would solve the problem.  But love is not just saying “I love you”. Love needs commitment and action.

In normal cases, arguments will make the one or both of the partners feel hurt. This negative feeling will piles upon those feelings collected from previous arguments. When one party can’t contain the feelings anymore, he or she will ask for a divorce and cause the marriage to crumble.

It doesn’t matter if you and your spouse have differences in opinion or preferences. What matter is, if you can’t avoid having arguments, do it the “right way”. How you deal and resolve those differences will determine the health of your marriage. Here are 10 rules that you must follow should you choose to argue:

  1. Avoid abuse and physical violence. If things get too hot, take a break. If you are standing, then sit down. If you are sitting down, then lie down. If you are lying down, get up and go wash your face.
  2. Avoid making your partner wrong. Instead let your partner knows how his/her actions made you feel. You are responsible for your feeling, not your partner.
  3. Be responsible. Don’t argue about one thing if something else is bothering you.
  4. Don’t take thing personally. What ever your partner said, it is not about you or what you have said. It is his/her interpretation or meaning put to what he/she heard or saw. If you take it personally, you’ll be upset and you may say or do things that make it worse.
  5. Give up the need to be right. You might win the argument, but you’ll have to pay the cost. Instead focus on resolving the issue.
  6. Misunderstood is a common thing in verbal communication. To avoid unnecessary fighting, repeat to your partner what you understand about his/her motive or what he/she said.
  7. Don’t let any argument to escalate into a fight by bringing up hurtful events from the past. Let past be where it belong, that is in the past.
  8. No name calling please. It definitely will make the argument out of control.
  9. Give up the urge to invalidate your partner. You might feel satisfied but it won’t last and will cost you the affinity.
  10. Before you go to sleep, forgive your partner and yourself (and every one else). You’ll have peace of mind and wake up fresh and energetic.

So, whether your argument is on something as tiny as where to hang your towels in your bathroom, or something of large proportion such as whether or not your sixteen-year-old is ready to get a driver’s license, learning how to resolve it is the deciding factor between reaching conclusions which both spouses can happily live with or allowing every difference to be a power-struggle of who wins and who loses.  The fact of the matter is that in a marital relationship, if differences are settled by power-struggles, everyone loses.

There much more to learn about communication and conflict resolution to ensure a happy and successful marriage. Many couples have benefited from the techniques and exercises developed by Amy Waterman, a relationship expert. In her book, Save My Marriage Today, Amy revealed to you a number of powerful techniques you can use to have healthier conflict resolutions. Visit her website HERE for more info or read my review at: http://savemarriagesite.com/reviews/save-my-marriage-today.

Posted by Wan | Filed Under Save Marriage Tips 

Want Your Ex Back? A Lesson from Being Robbed At Gunpoint!

January 26, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Is there something you can learn by being robbed at gunpoint?

As TW Jackson explains in the Magic of Making Up System, after your initial contact… you want to set up your “1st Date” again. AND the MOST important part, the secret and the part nobody else but Jackson will tell you is the date HAS to be EMOTIONALLY CHARGED. Okay?

That DOES NOT mean ‘dinner and a movie’. It’s because… well… it’s BORING… and does not create a bonding… or in our case a RE-bonding experience.

In fact, you want to pack in several emotionally charged mini-dates in a span of a couple hours. Why?

If you just do ‘dinner and a movie’ you lose out on a sociologically PROVEN principle… emotionally charged experiences = bond.

Look at it in another way.

Last time you went to the bank, do you remember the person in line in front of you? Behind you? Probably not. Me neither.

But, what if while you were in the bank, it was ROBBED AT GUNPOINT? The robbers couldn’t get the safe open. The robbers are livid, screaming and waving huge guns around. The tension feels so thick you could cut through it with a knife. You are lying face down on the cold bank floor and can see your breath fogging up the tile below. You are trembling…because it is eerily silent for a moment.

“Oh my God!”

“Where are the robbers?”

“Are they behind me?”

“Are they watching me?”

So you slowly move your eyes around and see a sweet older lady lying right next to you. She looks a little like Grandma, and you come out of your own haze enough to realize that she is even more terrified than you. She is softly sobbing.

You slowly reach out and take her hand in yours and give her a little squeeze that says…”it’s go to be all right.”

NOW! Let me ask?

“Are you going to EVER forget that older lady?” “Do you think she will EVER forget you?”

Not in a million Sundays!

Now…I’m not saying to go rob a bank on your first date! LOL.

But you want to go on an EMOTIONALLY charged and exciting date… and preferably several mini-dates in a span of a couple hours.

A short roller coaster ride is one GREAT example.

TW Jackson teaches you more about things like emotionally charged dates in the Magic of Making Up System. You’ll also discover psychological tactics and techniques you can use to get you BACK on that first date with your ex again.

Get a special unannounced bonus called ‘Mind Magic’ when you reserve your copy of the ‘Magic of Making Up System’ through this special link:
http://savemarriagesite.com/go/makingupmagic.html.

Posted by Wan | Filed Under Get Ex Back 

How to Deal With Your Marriage Conflicts

January 21, 2009 | Leave a Comment

If you already had a lot of fights and conflicts with each other before your marriage, just imagine the conflicts married life could bring! Disagreeing is inevitable, especially when you get married. This is something that you should understand. Obviously, there is no such thing as “the perfect couple”.

It’s Not the End of Your Fairytale

If you’re newly married and living a fairytale life right now, don’t be afraid of having some conflicts along the way. Also, if you have just had your very first argument as a married couple, do not lose hope. Do not let this incident make you pessimistic about your relationship in general.

Keep in mind that it’s just the beginning of your new life and that both of you have to be strong to keep it running. Your fairytale life can still continue. This is not the end just yet!

What to Do?

What you must realize is that it doesn’t really matter what kind of conflict you’re having or what the reason is, what really matters is how both of you work it out to solve the problem.

How to Deal

Dealing with conflict can be complex, especially if you’re under the influence of anger. Letting yourselves become enraged with emotions just worsens the circumstances, especially if it happens on both sides. Thus, be sure that both of you are always in control of your emotions.

Try your best to master your emotions, especially when in public places. It’s not nice if you pick a fight with your spouse where there are other people. It can be very embarrassing for both of you.

You both should learn how to communicate effectively to state your side of the argument. Do not talk at the same time, hear each other side.

Do not involve other people in your problems; simply because marital problems should be treated as something private that both of you should discuss.

It would also be helpful to learn how to look at your circumstance as a third person point of view. Try looking at the bigger picture, so that you don’t get hooked up with your pride and keep insisting that you’re right.

If you’re talking it over, be sure that both of you are calm while doing so. Also, try your best to think about what you say before speaking. Keep in mind that words can be as sharp as a two-edged sword. Saying something unwarranted can only worsen your situation and hurt your partner even more.

Try putting yourself in your spouse’s shoes. See how doing that can change your perspective on the subject. If you find yourself to be wrong, then be sure that you learn how to ask for forgiveness in a sincere manner.

Making Amends

If you’ll be asking for forgiveness, be sure that you’re sincere about it. Don’t do it just out of lip service. Do so with all your heart. Most of the time, both sides should ask for forgiveness of the other. This especially happens when both of you simply snapped out of anger and have acted inappropriately with each other. If so, be humble enough to admit your mistakes.

However, you should understand that saying you are sorry sometimes isn’t enough. There are instances when extra effort is needed. Don’t be afraid to go a step further than simply saying you are sorry.

Learning to Forgive

On the flip side, you should also learn to forgive. This is probably the most important thing in married life. Learning to forgive and learning to trust are two different things. Trust is something the other person needs to earn. However, when you say that you forgive him/her, be sure that you do so with all your heart. But for you to do that, you should be able to start out with a clean slate with zero grudges on either side.

Find out about the incredibly powerful strategies for resolving your marriage conflicts in a more constructive and less emotionally stressful way at Amy Waterman website:
http://savemarriagesite.com/go/savemarriage.html or you can read my review at:
http://savemarriagesite.com/reviews/save-my-marriage-today

Posted by Wan | Filed Under Successful Marriage Tips 

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