How to Argue With Your Spouse

January 31, 2009 | 2 Comments

Have you ever had an argument with your spouse? I beg you have. In fact, no one is free from having arguments, especially with spouses. Each person is an individual, thus, no two people can reasonably be expected to agree on everything. Perhaps you and your spouse did not fully acknowledge your differences in the early stages of your relationship; or perhaps you felt that time and love would solve the problem.  But love is not just saying “I love you”. Love needs commitment and action.

In normal cases, arguments will make the one or both of the partners feel hurt. This negative feeling will piles upon those feelings collected from previous arguments. When one party can’t contain the feelings anymore, he or she will ask for a divorce and cause the marriage to crumble.

It doesn’t matter if you and your spouse have differences in opinion or preferences. What matter is, if you can’t avoid having arguments, do it the “right way”. How you deal and resolve those differences will determine the health of your marriage. Here are 10 rules that you must follow should you choose to argue:

  1. Avoid abuse and physical violence. If things get too hot, take a break. If you are standing, then sit down. If you are sitting down, then lie down. If you are lying down, get up and go wash your face.
  2. Avoid making your partner wrong. Instead let your partner knows how his/her actions made you feel. You are responsible for your feeling, not your partner.
  3. Be responsible. Don’t argue about one thing if something else is bothering you.
  4. Don’t take thing personally. What ever your partner said, it is not about you or what you have said. It is his/her interpretation or meaning put to what he/she heard or saw. If you take it personally, you’ll be upset and you may say or do things that make it worse.
  5. Give up the need to be right. You might win the argument, but you’ll have to pay the cost. Instead focus on resolving the issue.
  6. Misunderstood is a common thing in verbal communication. To avoid unnecessary fighting, repeat to your partner what you understand about his/her motive or what he/she said.
  7. Don’t let any argument to escalate into a fight by bringing up hurtful events from the past. Let past be where it belong, that is in the past.
  8. No name calling please. It definitely will make the argument out of control.
  9. Give up the urge to invalidate your partner. You might feel satisfied but it won’t last and will cost you the affinity.
  10. Before you go to sleep, forgive your partner and yourself (and every one else). You’ll have peace of mind and wake up fresh and energetic.

So, whether your argument is on something as tiny as where to hang your towels in your bathroom, or something of large proportion such as whether or not your sixteen-year-old is ready to get a driver’s license, learning how to resolve it is the deciding factor between reaching conclusions which both spouses can happily live with or allowing every difference to be a power-struggle of who wins and who loses.  The fact of the matter is that in a marital relationship, if differences are settled by power-struggles, everyone loses.

There much more to learn about communication and conflict resolution to ensure a happy and successful marriage. Many couples have benefited from the techniques and exercises developed by Amy Waterman, a relationship expert. In her book, Save My Marriage Today, Amy revealed to you a number of powerful techniques you can use to have healthier conflict resolutions. Visit her website HERE for more info or read my review at: http://savemarriagesite.com/reviews/save-my-marriage-today.

Want Your Ex Back? A Lesson from Being Robbed At Gunpoint!

January 26, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Is there something you can learn by being robbed at gunpoint?

As TW Jackson explains in the Magic of Making Up System, after your initial contact… you want to set up your “1st Date” again. AND the MOST important part, the secret and the part nobody else but Jackson will tell you is the date HAS to be EMOTIONALLY CHARGED. Okay?

That DOES NOT mean ‘dinner and a movie’. It’s because… well… it’s BORING… and does not create a bonding… or in our case a RE-bonding experience.

In fact, you want to pack in several emotionally charged mini-dates in a span of a couple hours. Why?

If you just do ‘dinner and a movie’ you lose out on a sociologically PROVEN principle… emotionally charged experiences = bond.

Look at it in another way.

Last time you went to the bank, do you remember the person in line in front of you? Behind you? Probably not. Me neither.

But, what if while you were in the bank, it was ROBBED AT GUNPOINT? The robbers couldn’t get the safe open. The robbers are livid, screaming and waving huge guns around. The tension feels so thick you could cut through it with a knife. You are lying face down on the cold bank floor and can see your breath fogging up the tile below. You are trembling…because it is eerily silent for a moment.

“Oh my God!”

“Where are the robbers?”

“Are they behind me?”

“Are they watching me?”

So you slowly move your eyes around and see a sweet older lady lying right next to you. She looks a little like Grandma, and you come out of your own haze enough to realize that she is even more terrified than you. She is softly sobbing.

You slowly reach out and take her hand in yours and give her a little squeeze that says…”it’s go to be all right.”

NOW! Let me ask?

“Are you going to EVER forget that older lady?” “Do you think she will EVER forget you?”

Not in a million Sundays!

Now…I’m not saying to go rob a bank on your first date! LOL.

But you want to go on an EMOTIONALLY charged and exciting date… and preferably several mini-dates in a span of a couple hours.

A short roller coaster ride is one GREAT example.

TW Jackson teaches you more about things like emotionally charged dates in the Magic of Making Up System. You’ll also discover psychological tactics and techniques you can use to get you BACK on that first date with your ex again.

Get a special unannounced bonus called ‘Mind Magic’ when you reserve your copy of the ‘Magic of Making Up System’ through this special link:
http://savemarriagesite.com/go/makingupmagic.html.

How to Deal With Your Marriage Conflicts

January 21, 2009 | Leave a Comment

If you already had a lot of fights and conflicts with each other before your marriage, just imagine the conflicts married life could bring! Disagreeing is inevitable, especially when you get married. This is something that you should understand. Obviously, there is no such thing as “the perfect couple”.

It’s Not the End of Your Fairytale

If you’re newly married and living a fairytale life right now, don’t be afraid of having some conflicts along the way. Also, if you have just had your very first argument as a married couple, do not lose hope. Do not let this incident make you pessimistic about your relationship in general.

Keep in mind that it’s just the beginning of your new life and that both of you have to be strong to keep it running. Your fairytale life can still continue. This is not the end just yet!

What to Do?

What you must realize is that it doesn’t really matter what kind of conflict you’re having or what the reason is, what really matters is how both of you work it out to solve the problem.

How to Deal

Dealing with conflict can be complex, especially if you’re under the influence of anger. Letting yourselves become enraged with emotions just worsens the circumstances, especially if it happens on both sides. Thus, be sure that both of you are always in control of your emotions.

Try your best to master your emotions, especially when in public places. It’s not nice if you pick a fight with your spouse where there are other people. It can be very embarrassing for both of you.

You both should learn how to communicate effectively to state your side of the argument. Do not talk at the same time, hear each other side.

Do not involve other people in your problems; simply because marital problems should be treated as something private that both of you should discuss.

It would also be helpful to learn how to look at your circumstance as a third person point of view. Try looking at the bigger picture, so that you don’t get hooked up with your pride and keep insisting that you’re right.

If you’re talking it over, be sure that both of you are calm while doing so. Also, try your best to think about what you say before speaking. Keep in mind that words can be as sharp as a two-edged sword. Saying something unwarranted can only worsen your situation and hurt your partner even more.

Try putting yourself in your spouse’s shoes. See how doing that can change your perspective on the subject. If you find yourself to be wrong, then be sure that you learn how to ask for forgiveness in a sincere manner.

Making Amends

If you’ll be asking for forgiveness, be sure that you’re sincere about it. Don’t do it just out of lip service. Do so with all your heart. Most of the time, both sides should ask for forgiveness of the other. This especially happens when both of you simply snapped out of anger and have acted inappropriately with each other. If so, be humble enough to admit your mistakes.

However, you should understand that saying you are sorry sometimes isn’t enough. There are instances when extra effort is needed. Don’t be afraid to go a step further than simply saying you are sorry.

Learning to Forgive

On the flip side, you should also learn to forgive. This is probably the most important thing in married life. Learning to forgive and learning to trust are two different things. Trust is something the other person needs to earn. However, when you say that you forgive him/her, be sure that you do so with all your heart. But for you to do that, you should be able to start out with a clean slate with zero grudges on either side.

Find out about the incredibly powerful strategies for resolving your marriage conflicts in a more constructive and less emotionally stressful way at Amy Waterman website:
http://savemarriagesite.com/go/savemarriage.html or you can read my review at:
http://savemarriagesite.com/reviews/save-my-marriage-today

Getting Along With In-Laws

January 20, 2009 | Leave a Comment

The need to get along with the ever popular “In-laws” is considered by many as one of the biggest problems during married life. However, understand that this shouldn’t be a problem at all. It is actually an inevitable and natural part of married life.

However, it can become a problem when your in-laws are the types that often cross the line.  Sometimes it’s just human nature that you can’t get along with someone. Nevertheless, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t try settling your differences.

For your marriage to work out, you should take some steps and establish boundaries if you’re having in-law problems. Here are some of the essentials on how you can do just that.

Learn To Become Assertive

Sometimes in-laws seem to have their own ideas. This may be irritating at times. However, you should never forget to pay them respect. Hence, it would be better to listen to them. There are also times where it would do you good to heed their opinions. However, there are also instances where doing so may not be a good move. So what exactly should you do if you do not agree with them?

To start off, be discreet on matters that involve weighty decisions. Also, try to be open and sincerely honest with your feelings. As much as possible, don’t try to simply please them only to regret that decision later. As much as possible, do what it is that you think would be best. If ever it turns out that the decision you made was wrong, try to admit your mistake then move on with some dignity.

Learn To Get Some Privacy

Most likely, especially when newly married, you may inadvertently involve your in-laws in your family affairs. You can actually do so by sharing information about private matters. Another way would be by telling them how you are not getting along with your spouse. If this is the case, there’s no wonder why they are volunteering advice. If you really don’t want something coming back and biting you on the tail later, then don’t involve your in-laws in family affairs that are considered to be private.

Give Them Respect

There are some in-laws who simply can’t help giving unsolicited advice. In fact, there are times where they might even tell you how you should cook, what you should wear, how you should discipline your kids, how you should budget your finances, and so on. This may sometimes feel quite irritating, since it seems like they’re treating you as if you’re a kid who doesn’t know any better. However, it is still important that you keep in mind that they are older than you. Nonetheless, it also doesn’t mean they’re wiser. So, if you can, try to give them respect at all times. If they’re showering you with advice, then go on and take what you think would benefit you and the rest.

Learn To Detach With Love

Sadly, there are in-laws that are simply troublesome. It seems like you will never be able to get along with each other. Other than being assertive, being able to detach is sometimes necessary for your own good. Instances like having in-laws who have emotional or addiction problems are a good example of situations where you are best to detach and not become involved.

However, you should always try your best to detach with love. So how exactly do you do this? This is done by not allowing their personal problems to become your problems too. It is possible for you to detach without having to be rude or disrespectful. Try to be more supportive and loving every time, but do not allow their pain or abuse make your own attitude negative.

Talk To Your Spouse

One important thing that you shouldn’t miss when dealing with your in-laws is talking to your spouse. Keep in mind that they are still the parents of your partner. Thus, it would be better to tell your spouse first what you think about the situation and let him/her state what he/she thinks about it. Give each other some time to state your sides and then talk things out on how both of you want to settle it.

Creating Happiness in Married Life

January 17, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Being happy is one important factor for you to survive the relationship and have a successful marriage. Happiness is like the key to make sure that your marriage will work out no matter what. However, many couples find themselves unhappy with their partner even while they’re still in the early stages of their marriage.

Being unhappy during your first few weeks or months of marriage can be dangerous. This unhappiness could develop into something worse.  To avoid a sad ending to your married life, you should learn little ways about how you can create happiness in your marriage. As a guide, here are some essentials that you need to know.

Make Your Spouse Happy

The thing with marriage is that are two of you who should be working on the relationship. Thus, you shouldn’t only think about your own happiness, but also your spouse’s happiness. In fact, you should prioritize making him or her happy in the relationship. At the same time, he or she should prioritize your happiness. It’s basically give and take.

Communication Leads to Happiness

One thing that your married life should never lose is communication. This is a very important aspect in keeping your relationship healthy and happy. Always remember to talk things out in a calm and rational manner. Tell each other your deepest thoughts. Learn to express your feelings. Your partner has the right to know what you’re thinking and at the same time he/she does have the right to know what is on your mind as well.

Surprise!

Always keep in mind that no one’s ever too old for surprises. Getting married doesn’t mean you stop doing funny or silly things to impress each other. So, whether you’re in your 20’s or even 50’s, there’s no harm in surprising your spouse once in a while. Doing this definitely gives both of you some endorphin rush and get you fuelled up for more happy days to come.

It doesn’t really matter whether your surprise is something big or small. It’s always the thought that counts!

Quality Time Equals Happy Time

Although married life means a lot of responsibilities, especially in the financial department; this doesn’t mean that you have to drown each other with work. Always keep in mind that you should spend some quality time with each other. If you have kids, make some quality time with the whole family. However, you should also have some time in store alone for just the two of you.

Use this time to talk and catch up with what’s going on with each of your lives. Use this time to say “I love you”, which is something many couples forget to say once marriage becomes “habit”.

Do Something Exciting

Is anyone up for some bungee jumping? How about sky diving? Would you want to go hiking? How about a romantic weekend getaway? Married life would definitely be a happy life if you lead an exciting lifestyle. As mentioned, you shouldn’t get all hyped up with work. Do something exciting for the both of you once in a while. A little adrenaline rush won’t hurt.

Have these kinds activities planned out.  By doing this you and your spouse have something to look forward to.  Anticipation is the key.  As excitement builds up, the happier the two of you will be.

Small Things Matter Too!

Sometimes things get taken for granted in the relationship especially once you are married. Always remember that even the smallest gestures matter! Even something as insignificant as leaving a note for your partner to remind him or her to take his/her medicine means something. Try leaving voice messages on his/her cell phone just to say “I love you” or “I miss you” really brightens up the day!

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