Convincing a Spouse to Save a Marriage

August 31, 2008 | Leave a Comment

“I’ve been married to my wife for 15 years now and I was at total lost as to what was going wrong with our marriage. She just seemed to stop loving me and her friends were all telling her to divorce me, it was a nightmare!”

If you were in this situation, what will you do? Almost everyone knew that convincing a spouse to save a marriage is a very daunting challenge. Are you going to give in to your spouse wants and demands? Are you going to beg or plead for more chance or are you going to force your partner to understand what went wrong? If these you have in mind, reconsider it. It is not going to work.

“I’ve totally change the way I approach the situation, it was not easy, but during the last three months, the turn around in our relationship has been simply amazing. And her friends are a lot more supportive of our marriage too… I’m so grateful.” – Steven Kitchen, Canada.

Why begging and pleading not going to work in convincing a spouse to save a marriage? It is because beg and plead show that you are desperate. Desperation will cause your partner to feel suffocated and will push her or him even further.

“I knew I could not change her mind and I had to let things happen naturally but I also knew I could influence her with my behavior and action. Ten months after applying what I have learned, my wife told me that how wonderful her life is now and she was amazed that I was able to turn things around…Without this knowledge, we most certainly would ended up in divorce.” – Jeff Wann, Indianapolis.

Convincing a spouse to save a marriage by saying “I love you” is not going to work either. Just because you have love for your partner it doesn’t mean you can stop the arguing and disagreements. It’s because you don’t know how to deal with built-up anger. The word sorry can never take back the painful words said to each other in the heat of argument. Relying solely on love in such situation will frustrate both of you and end up putting more stress in the relationship.

As I see it, if you want to convince your spouse to save your marriage, you need to acknowledge the problem. Then take 100% responsibility that your marriage will work even though your partner is resign and cynical about it. Change your way of being and you’ll be amazed with the result.

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5 Ways to Save a Marriage

August 29, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Whether you have been married for a brief period of time or many years, you want your marriage to be the best it can be. However, there might be some misunderstandings and bitterness which may give rise to serious difficulties in your marriage.

A divorce affects the personal and social lives of both the partners and not to mention, the children. There is no such thing as painless divorce. If you watch the movies War of the Roses and Kramer vs. Kramer, you know what I meant. You do have a choice, go through the pain of divorce or do something to save your marriage. Here are 5 ways to save a marriage that you can effectively use to reconstruct your marriage.

  • First, acknowledge the marriage problem exist, be honest with yourself. Begin by asking yourself what problems you and your spouse encountering. You should be able to identify what difficulties need to be resolved and what you wish to accomplish. Share your thoughts and feelings, and request your spouse to share hers or his. This will help not only in making progress toward finding solutions, but it will also open up the lines of communication.
  • Many people make a mistake when they took the task to save their marriage. They neglect the wonderful things which were there at the beginning of their marriage, or even prior to their marriage. Placing some focus on these things is the second ways to save a marriage. What qualities did you find the most appealing in your spouse? What kind of goals, plans and dream did you both share? It quite likely that you’ll find the factors which influenced your decision to marry still exists.
  • The third important factor or ways to save a marriage is time. Nowadays we often hear about “quality time”. However in many cases, it means trying to squeeze as much as possible into a small amount of time allocated for it. The pre-scheduled quality time is simply not enough. Granting your spouse your undivided attention is the factor which will help this very important person to realize that she or he still take the center-stage in your life.
  • Being able to recognize that no two people can reasonably be expected to agree on everything is the fourth ways to save a marriage. The differences come about from a person’s background and upbringing. Perhaps you and your spouse did not fully acknowledge your differences in the early stage of your relationship; or perhaps you felt that time and love would solve that problem. If this has become a problem in your marriage, it can basically be resolved by compromise or by “agreeing to disagree”.
  • The last tip of 5 ways to save a marriage is about having boundaries. The happiest marriage is one where clear boundaries exist and are consistently respected by both spouses and those around them. There are a numbers of boundaries which are essential for a healthy and happy marriage. For example certain things, such as sex, should remain between the two of them and not “up for discussion” with other people. If there is disagreement between you and your spouse, it is unfair to attempt to get others on your side. You must learn and respect that there is a difference between “yours”, “mine” and “ours”.

You may adopt one of these ways to save marriage and turn your marriage into a lifelong love. If you feel the need for professional advice, by all means seek the help that you need.

Save Your Marriage

August 28, 2008 | Leave a Comment

If you are having trouble in your marriage, don’t feel that there’s no hope. You may feel that you are alone, that you have no one and no where to turn to help you save your marriage. You may feel that you have no choice but to simply leave everything and hope that it will somehow get better on its own. Some people believe that they have no choice but to suffer and allow their marriage to fall apart.

Don’t be fooled my friends. Marital problems will not miraculously vanish by themselves, they need to be taken care off. Many people however have no idea as what to do. They made the mistake of asking for or accepting advice from well-meaning friends or family members who are not qualified or have the knowledge to help save the marriage. Their advices are often based on sentiments or perceptions, which not going to help in saving the marriage.

Fortunately my friends, you don’t need to make the mistakes that others have done. You can get practical help, advice and tips from this blog to help you save your marriage.

This blog is not about who is right and who is wrong – – it is about resolving what is negative in your marriage and building on what is positive. You’ll find valuable information in this blog. Whether you have been facing serious difficulties or merely wanted to transform your marriage to another level, this blog is for you!

The fact that you are reading this posting says two things – first it says that you’re having some problems; second it says that you are ready to hear and willing to do something to save your marriage.